Saturday, February 13, 2010

It's a Cake! (There's a hole in this cake)

Successful story about baking! A cake! A STAKE CAKE! (To be read in a Julia Child's voice.)

The first thing to remember when baking a cake is that when a gas oven is on the stove top is hot. For proof, see melted egg carton. The eggs were kinda pissed that I destroyed their home after killing their brethren.

In the meantime, there is cake baking. When the cakes are removed, one of them thoughtfully caves in to provide a convenient place for the stake. I've always said, baked good are good people.

In the mean-meantime, a bleeding cake requires blood. Take frozen raspberries, throw in sugar, throw in lemon juice, add really quickly spinning mini knives, and you have delicious, delicious blood.


It spreads onto cake really well. See?

So, now that we have our cake, and our blood to bind them, we need our chocolate to make it delicious. Thing to be learned: with enough sugar and milk, the fact that you don't have evaporated milk doesn't really matter. Ignore what the internet tells you if they say otherwise.

Now, combine the lot of them together, have a beer, pull up the handily available BUFFY FONT on the internet, and write on your cake with frosting.

Fill the gaping hole in the middle with raspberry blood, stab a deformed Hershey bar through the oozing wound, and all of a sudden, you have BADASSERY.

Feel accomplished. Leave the dishes, and go to watch Teen Mom on MTV. Bon appetit!

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