Awesome-Brarian

BLOG HAS MOVED

2010-11-07T11:35:00.002-05:00

Don't stress, you're being redirected as we speak!

TIME TRAVELING PIRATES!

2010-11-07T10:27:00.000-05:00

The best part about working in a library with an established YA Librarian is the booty. And by booty I mean swag. And by swag I mean Adanced Readers Copies provided for free by publishing houses.

Free books. It's like getting the Beast's library without having to deal with the claw marks/fanged hickeys.

So. Since I get to read these before anyone else, I think it's only fair that I get to judge them before anyone else. Obviously. And because the idea of ranking things with stars is cliche, we will be using the Harry Potter System of Rankings, which goes like this:

Muggle: The author has no idea where their plot went, what their characters are doing, and doesn't seem to be self-aware enough to care.

Squib: The author tries-- seems to have some concept of an idea, but just doesn't manage to get it off the ground in the early planning stages, making the book a confusing and dull thing.

Ron: The story has a few cool characters, some decent beginnings of a plot line, and could be cool. However, the author fails to seal the deal and you're left going "Uggh, what a Ron," and enjoying more of what you think the author could have done with it than enjoying the actual book.

Harry: A good book. Interesting story, a few twists and turns, and a nice feeling of satisfaction after you finish. You maybe don't read it again, but you liked it and would recommend it to a friend.

Hermione: Not only beautiful done but just damned beautiful and fantastic and a lot of other awesome praise for plot, characters and diction. A story that makes you understand why you read books.

Steel by Carrie Vaughn ranks a solid Ron.
Readalikes: Piratica by Tanith Lee

Steel by Carrie Vaughn
Scheduled Release Date: March 15, 2011

The basic premise of this book fulfills the fantasy of every fencer I've ever met, and sends a competitive epeeist back in time to hang out with pirates.

That's right, pirates. Like Eroll Flynn and Blackbeard and Kermit in Muppet Treasure Island.

Jill loses a bout with a better fencer, and while sulking on vacation with her family finds a bit of sword that transports her back to the 18th Century and tosses her onto a pirate ship full of, you guessed it, pirates. Also, a hot lady pirate captain. Also, a hot black pirate who's about her own age. And then there's some kind of revenge plot thing with them chasing an evil pirate who made the sword that Jill found that transported her back in time that the Lady Captain was supposed to have gotten rid of that my father bought for two zuzim.

The reason this book gets a rating of Ron is that it reads a bit too much and too little like a historical romance novel. Most of the story is taking up with graphic details about breaking barnacles off the hull and swabbing the deck and other pirate-y things. And these are actually very well done descriptions that really interested me. But they happened at the expense of making me care about the main character/the plot line.

What could have been interesting plot developments and twists we abandoned early on (e.g. the jerk of a first mate who could lead to a very interesting confrontation/fight scene is set adrift in a boat less than 20 pages later, Blackbeard being in the bar across from Jill, the hot pirate who doesn't really seem to have a personality) or never fully developed. While Jill's experience on the ship is an interesting one, the book doesn't know how to make the major conflict that we're supposed to care about seem interesting or pressing.

Overall, good premise, poor execution. A total Ron.

Advanced Readers Copy provided by publisher to my colleague.

Professional Development: I Has It

2010-11-02T16:58:00.000-04:00

Because all of a sudden, like more or less overnight, I have developed into a Professional! With a capital P and everything! I have discussions with people about how to advance my skills and grow as a person in my chosen field of interest and make myself more interesting as a resume-attached-face!

I know, I know, I'm surprised/confused/jealous/craving-Mexican-food too. So young. So young.

Yesterday-- get this-- I got to teach a class! That's like having 11 padawans at once! And not just a class, but TWO classes! Back to back! About Internet privacy and about how everything they put online stays forever and will totally impact their future job/life/spousal prospects!

Because the internet isn't written in pencil Mark, it's written in ink.

And then because, I dunno, putting me in charge of impressionable minds for 2 hours wasn't enough of a sign of the world ending, I get to do it again next week! Four more times! That's right, four! As in one more than the number three and two less than the # of cups of coffee I've had today!

!

You should be using exclamation points right now, in the real world. Why aren't you using more exclamations points right now?

Way I Know I'm Not an Adult Yet #23

2010-10-15T17:07:00.000-04:00

Man on Subway about my Scarf: "That's too long."

Me: "..."

Internal Me:

That's what she said!
Imma get in my TARDIS and whoop your ass, buddy.
You're obviously a bad guy.
I'll have you know that this is an authentic recreation and it has been measured to be perfectly accurate, jerk-face.
You're obviously a trekkie. Schmuck.

Webcomics You Should Read

2010-08-22T18:22:00.003-04:00

Because the only thing better than borrowing a graphic novel for free from the library, is reading it for free online instantly and not having to pay late fees when you inevitably forget to return it.

No? Just me?

Anyho, here's a list of things that should suck up your time and brain:

Girl Genius: A massive series that combines my favorite things (steampunk, awesomeness, good illustrations, evil scientists) into one really fantastic story. Updated on a MWF schedule, in full color and style.

Warning: reading this entire series was what I did instead of studying for my Managerial Accounting final in junior year of college. Highly addictive.

Lackadaisy: Anthropomorphic cats fight in the time of prohibition to keep their St. Louis speakeasy in business and their lives together.

...Dude. There are anthropomorphic, bootlegging cats. Why the hell have you not clicked on that link already? Get with the program.

DAR: A Super Girly Top Secret Comic Diary: Erika Moen's autobiographical web comic. Features fart jokes, sex jokes, poop jokes, burping, zits, butt sex,

Eat Your Lipstick: Work by Monica Gallager. Who's so awesome you can't even fathom. I've bought her comics off Etsy so I could frame them. Bonnie 'N Collide (a roller-derby girl in the cubicle world) and Gods and Undergrads (a chosen-one girl who's all of a sudden got Greek gods hanging out in her dorm).

Beautiful drawing style, fun stories, great stuff.

Bite Me!: Vampires, serving wenches, and the French Revolution. If you're not careful you'll learn something, but mainly you'll like the art and the dreamy, quintessentially broad-chested heroes.

XKCD: For nerds, by nerds. Features stick figures, jokes about movies you remember from the 80s, and an awesome world view.

The Princess: Written like a newspaper strip, Seth's journey of getting the world to see him as Princess Sarah is the cutest thing on the planet. And it's big and queer. Embrace it!

For good recommendations by a woman who has a buttload more time and experience with this stuff than I do, you should check out Storming the Castle. She's awesome. Much love.

Book I Really Wish I Liked: Heist Society

2010-08-17T21:47:00.002-04:00

Next in the list of KAH-books, "Heist Society." A story of art-thievery, teenager rebellion, and Nazis (I love it when there's Nazis!)

And sadly, of all of the books I've read so far, this is the one I was most psyched for. So therefore it was the one that had to not be that good.

Kat is a 16 year old girl who, for the majority of her life, was a high-class thief. Like, suspended from the ceiling, Neal Caffrey, I-have-code-names-for-everything thief. Only then she left to go get book smart and leave this life behind.

And then her father is wrongfully accused of stealing five paintings from a guy who will make him an offer he can't refuse. And then, just when she thought she was out they pull her back in.

Yeah. Godfather references ftw.

Kat puts together a crew of not-at-all-memorable people, who put together a not-all-that-memorable-plan to steal the painting back from the Henley (fictional museum), where a grand art thief using a Thief Society Wild-Card-At-Uno pseudonym has stolen and hidden them behind *other paintings* for reasons more or less never explained/logical.

Then we find out the paintings were all grabbed by the Nazis (those guys!), and Kat get a love triangle that lasts for all of three chapters before the guy-we-all-knew-was-going-to-betray-her totally betrays her. And then there's some art-thievery and unexplained awesomeness.

Which honestly, was the biggest problem with this book-- there was no evidence of Kat's skill until she was actually robbing the museum. Up until that point, she'd been kind of mediocre-- every scene was punctuated with a secret internal thought of "Kat hoped no one was looking at her like she was out of practice, or didn't know what she was doing." None of the other characters were given more than their rudimentary stereotypes (hot chick, rich suave guy with a heart of gold, goofy twins, nerd) and if anyone was developed into a character, I must have missed it.

Which sucks because I really, *really* wanted to like this.

I mean, come on guys! Teenage art-thieves! There's a chick who looks like a technicolor Audrey Hepburn ala Breakfast at Tiffany's on the front! It should have been AWESOME! And maybe it could have been with another twenty chapters of time-- but as it was I kind of felt like I was eating junk food-- easy, cheap, and leaves you feeling like "wait, did I eat today?" after a few hours.

Fantabulous Pictures of My Beautiful Library!

2010-08-10T21:28:00.000-04:00

And by my beautiful library I mean Karyn's beautiful library that I happen to live and frolic in. Like the Care Bear Cousins hanging out in the Care Bear's forest. Or a friendly neighborhood bridge troll. Whatevs.

Cathedral-esque, without the guilt

YA books abounds

Anyhow, as I have spent the last month and a half, so must you now bask in the glory of its cathedral like windows, extensive YA collection.

Look at all those shelves! Full of
books I am going to read!

There's a Batphone. It's ext # 316.

And see this? This is my lair. I share it with the head of technology, who's awesome. It gets natural light, has plenty of room for rolling around, and has four walls around it, with a door that locks.

I can leave and lock things up securely at night. I can scratch awkwardly placed mosquito bites without worrying about who's watching. If girls did such a thing, I could theoretically pass gas! In my own space!

Shut up. After cubicle land this is a big friggin' deal.

I Am the Messenger (and I Am Awesome)

2010-08-09T22:08:00.001-04:00

Okay. So whatever you're doing right now, you need to stop.

Seriously. Screw brushing your teeth, cooking dinner, scratching your butt: you need to stop right now and go and read this book.

Gambit changed people
with cards (& explosions)

Go for it. I'll wait.

Okay, now that you've finished, wasn't that friggin' awesome? I mean, come on! Yeah, okay, the last five pages are kinda weird, but the book as a whole is brilliant!

Take Ed Washington-- unmotivated, underage, underemployed, and British-- and all of a sudden give him a purpose in life. Mysterious playing cards that show up with addresses and names written on them; Aces with people that Ed needs to help or else face doom from scary men with big fists.

Women who pine for dead lovers, or get beaten and raped by living ones. Children who need to be okay with themselves, and parents who need a little extra something. People who need to beat the ever loving crap out of Ed to make themselves feel better. And all of a sudden Ed goes from "guy with a smelly dog and a regular poker game" to "guy with a smelly dog and a regular poker game and a mark on the world."

It's beautiful. Absolutely friggin' beautiful. I may have cried on the subway. And then looked around to see if anyone saw me and felt the urge to interfere in my life to give us both a sense of satisfaction and connection with our fellow human.

(No one did. But the love was there.)

Tithe: Not at All About the Church

2010-08-02T00:04:00.001-04:00

Inexplicably blond.

But instead, about faeries and changelings and a certain type of teenaged-decay that's just fantastic to read.

Kaye has been following her mother and her mother's dreams-of-fame for 16 years. She's a high school drop out, Asian girl with unexplained blond hair, no roots (as in stable place to allow her to ground and recover, but the same goes for the hair), and a strangeness that has been with her for as long as she can remember-- her imagination comes to life, she can make things happen just by wanting them, and her earliest friends are of the winged and tinkerbelling variety.

When her mother's latest inappropriate bad-boy-boyfriend tries to, well, kill her mother in the middle of a bar, the two of them head back to Jersey to stay with Kaye's grandmother. Kaye's mother runs around doing crazy and generally uninvolved-in-her-daughter's-life things, while Kaye hangs out with the locals, meets/falls in love with a bad-boy-friend faerie knight, gets a gay BFF, and discovers she's actually a pixie.

The faerie stuff is cool, I'm not going to lie. There's this whole other beautiful and incredibly dangerous world that the author paints-- one with no mercy, where human life exists to be a short-lived amusement, and creatures that really love screwing with us have wild parties and kill each other for the heck of it and do a lot of other really nasty things without really giving a damn. (Except for the one really hot faerie that falls in love with Kaye. He, in quintessential YA male-love-interest-form is pretty cool and is disgusted by the crudeness of, well, his entire world.)

But honestly, the faerie stuff isn't nearly as interesting as the description that Black (the author's name is Holly Black. Did I mention that? No? Well, now I did.) gives of this teenage feeling of loneliness, hopelessness, and decay. Reading the scenes where Kaye and her best friend are sitting together in a trailer, you can smell the cat pee and mold. The sense of going-nowhere-fast that permeates the mortal teenage interactions in this book is beautifully morbid; even if these kids get out of this town in a few years and go onto bigger and better things (as most teens do) you can understand how pointless the moment feels to them-- their lives aren't going anywhere and why even bother trying?

Also making this book awesome are graphic depictions of skin shedding and faerie myth that would do an 1800s Irish townie proud. If you're looking for a quick but satisfying read, "Tithe" is a great way to spend an afternoon. You'll like the characters, things happen quickly enough to keep your attention, and the whole reek of desperation and death that surrounds the story-- both the mortal and the fae-- is irresistible.

Peeps: Vampires Who Do More than Just Whine

2010-07-28T03:53:00.002-04:00

Spike's so awesome he's even a BAMF pumpkin.

As a Buffy fan, my favorite character was Spike. Not because of my penchant for blonds and accents (though that helped-- never believe that that didn't help) but rather because he seemed to be the only character that didn't spend all of his time bemoaning his life. Everyone else was all "Oh, woe is me, my entire existence is crap!" and Spike was all "Um, okay, yeah, while you're doing that Imma have sex with your girlfriend and drink all your booze. Wanker."

I respect that in a vampire. Action, not emo. Which is why Peeps, the first part of my Karyn-Assigned-Homework (hereafter known as KAH) is awesome.

A 19 year old loses his virginity and instead of just having a walk of shame the next morning he finds himself craving red meat, hearing things no one else can hear, smelling things no one else can smell, and accidentally infecting all of his subsequent girlfriends with Vampirism. (He feels really bad about it, though. Practice safe sex, kids. It'll keep you and the villagers you'll feed on alive.)

But instead of moping or whining or sparkling, Cal takes action. Because Cal is awesome, from Texas, and a real man. Does he cry and moan? No! He gets a cat and an apartment and a job, my friends-- a calling in life. Cal takes action, kicks ass, and takes names. (All while being adorably, sympathetically clueless.)

When you Google Image "You're
gross" this pops up. Total coincidence.

So now Cal is parasite-positive (a "peep". Get it? Get it?) and works for a secret Manhattan-based organization tracking down other peeps, running around in sewers, and generally being awesome and going on gross tirades about the various parasites that exist in our world today, in our brains, and in Howler monkeys. By giving so many examples of how parasites have encouraged evolution, integrated themselves into our lives, and keep entire ecosystems from going caput, Scott Westerfield (that's the author-- did I mention that?) makes it not only fascinating aside from the vampirism, but almost reasonable that vampires exist.

Also, you get a whole new appreciation for how gross you are. Seriously. You're gross. Go wash your hands right now, plz.

Overall, an awesome book. There's a second one in the series that I need to track down and read, but until then it stands on its own as pretty cool. Approved for consumption.

Next up, "Tithe" by Holly Black. There are fairies in this one. Sweet.

Homework. I Has It.

2010-07-26T22:10:00.003-04:00

Because Karyn has assigned it and when you work in the same office as the teacher its bad form to fall back on my normal procedure which is to do it five minutes before class/on the bus/the lunch period before its due.

Also, this homework actually has an end goal in sight that I want to aspire to. Which is to enable me to have an awesome, intelligent conversation with teenagers about what book they should read.

Yeah. Awesome.

So, this is what I'm reading over the next week and a half:

~~Peeps by Scott Westerfeld~~

Swordsport by Ellen Kushner

~~Tithe by Holly Black~~

Dreamhunter by Elizabeth Knox

~~i am the messenger by Markus Zusak~~

~~Heist Society by Ally Carter~~

Liar by Justine Larbalestier

Expect regular updates. Because I process books by regurgitating them onto the internet interspersed with a few "dudes."

Yeah. That's how the real pros do it.

Reason Number Fifteen That Skeletons Are Awesome

2010-07-25T11:51:00.000-04:00

BAMF!Skeleton.

Skeletons are awesome. Obviously.

Is that because you can always be a skeleton with a boner ("Get it? Get it?") for a cheapie Halloween costume? No. Does it have to do with their strong but silent "keeping-our-guts-and-skin-from-touching-and-allowing-for-movement" determination? Pshaw.

No, my friends, reason number fifteen that skeletons are awesome is because the ranks of skeletons include such wonderful characters as Skulduggery Pleasant. Who, for those of us playing the home version is at least five times more awesome than Skeletor, and three times more talkative than Yorik.

So picture this: your uncle dies. Very sad, he was a nice man and kind of like HP Lovecraft and had a cool house with a lot of secret passages. You're sad, everyone's sad, and then you meet a skeleton.

An honest to goodness skeleton. Who does magic, and tells jokes, and has a detective agency. Why a detective agency you may ask? Because he recognizes that the only thing cooler than being a skeleton is a skeleton with a detective agency, don't ask so many questions.

You, or in this case Stephanie Edgley, do what any sane person would do. You become BFF with the skeleton in order to find out the truth behind your uncle's mysterious death and so you can learn to throw fire from your hands. You meet a whole bunch of awesome wizards (think the Order of the Phoenix only Irish), perfect the art of witty banter with your skeleton BFF, and battle the forces of evil darkness all while growing as a character, having realistic moments of doubt and fear and puberty!driven light-angst, and find a new name for yourself.

And then you do it again (in at least four other books).

"Magic nuk nuk nuk."

The beauty behind Derek Landy's series is that it very easily could be too dark or too scary for its readers-- if he didn't have such a wonderful sense of humor and timing that the characters embody so well. The unstoppable walking dead, the ability to control another person with just their name, being tortured in several unique and terrifying ways-- these things could be legitimately unnerving. But Skulduggery and Stephanie are so dry in their wit and so obviously not wetting their pants that it reassures me, the reader, and lets me laugh at a situation that should be frankly terrifying.

Its like if a scary RL Stine book had a baby with the fourth Harry Potter, and that baby was raised by Batman doing a three Stooges routine with Alfred and Dick in the Batcave. If that sounds like your cup of tea (which, hello, how can it not be?) go forth and read.

Crossdressing and Magic: Alanna of Trebold

2010-07-11T09:00:00.000-04:00

The power of Grayskull.

So, picture this:

You're the female of a set of twins in a far off and crazy land. You're magic, you've got purple eyes, and you really want to be a BAMF knight and protect the aforementioned far off land, but you have a vagina so no dice.

Except dice. Totally dice. Because you are Alanna of Trebond, and you cut your hair, cross-dress, pretend to be a boy, and become the most BAMF knight that the land of Tortall has ever seen, all while doing awesome magic, boning the hot prince and the hotter Price of Thieves, and hanging out with a talking cat who may or may not be a) a god, b) a constellation, c) voiced by David Hyde Pierce in the inevitable movie series.

Awesome.
So back in the day this nice lady named Tamora Pierce was writing a romance novel with a female knight protagonist who ends up sleeping with the price. Only no one wanted to publish it, and it was a bit too feminist to have a swooning heroine. Instead, someone told her "Hey, this is awesome. Cut it into a bunch of smaller books, and make it a YA novel, and it'll actually sell!"

The days before YA marketing.

I stumbled across Alanna: The First Adventure at one of the Scholastic Book Fairs (which, honestly, must have resulted in a buttload of kick backs for someone in the administration because all of that cash and funding would have been much better suited to a library budget, as opposed to pushing capitalism on young children in their place of learning, but I digress).

Despite having a very unfortunate cover and a truly cheesy name, I bought it because even back then I knew that girls kick ass, and I was a nerd.

And then I read it. Again, and again, and again. And then I bought the next three books in the series and read them. Again, and again, and again.

Because Alanna is a fantastic friggin' character. She's smart but not Mary-Sueish. She's a great warrior, but you know she doesn't get there overnight. She's got all the boys swooning, but doesn't really give two shakes until the end, and she's absolutely perfect as that blend of teenage awkward-eagerness-to-please and of-course-I-know-what-I'm-doing.

BAMF. The End.

The books were so successful that Pierce started writing more. A lot more. We've gotten books on the next female knight who tries to be a BAMF in Tortall, Alanna's spy daughter, a Beast Master/Dr Doolittle chick who hangs out with a hot sorcerer, a female cop from 200 years ago, and more.

As heroines they all follow different paths to greatness. But they're all wonderful, pure characters who encourage girls to work hard, be honest and honorable, and achieve great things with the help of loyal friends and strength of character. And then, once that's all done, consider boning someone.

A marvelous lesson.

Why Shakespeare in the Park is Overrated

2010-07-10T14:50:00.000-04:00

Mainly, because I can't get tickets. After showing up at 7:15 in the morning on the hottest day of the year in New York City, on a Tuesday, I got nada.

So, bitter, disillusioned, and saddened by my failure, I decided to turn this into a teachable moment and get up earlier next time, go on an even hotter day or one where rain is anticipated, and wait patiently for my chance to see Merchant of Venice.

But then I decided nuts to that.

So instead, tonight I am attending a performance of Shakespeare in the Parking Lot. Where the performances are free, there's no insane ticketing line, and I don't have to get my lazy ass up at 6 AM to sit on the hard ground in Central Park for 7 hours and still probably not get tickets.

So there, Delacourte. Suck it.

Library Manifesto! It's LIVES!

2010-07-10T00:59:00.000-04:00

Really. Well, not the blog. The blog for Library Manifesto never really got off the ground. And by never really got off the ground, I mean never really had a single post.

Yeah. That.

But, the new issue comes out on (tentatively) Sunday! With articles and goodness and Librarian-ness! And to celebrate that goodness, here's a sneak peak at one of the articles I've written for this issue!

This serves as both a cheap excuse for a post, and a place for feedback! Everyone wins!

Read me.

ded of cute

2010-06-24T18:50:00.002-04:00

New Job!

2010-06-22T13:02:00.000-04:00


This is New!Job Coffee.

I have been MIA. And not the crazy singer MIA, the absentee friend and associate MIA. Like, text messages on my phone that haven't been read, emails threads that I haven't chimed in on, plans that I haven't formalized even as they approach and friends start to go "Wow. Clair's kinda a schmuck."

I am! I totally am! But I have a great excuse, I swear. And this excuses name is New Job, hence forth referred to for the sake of nerd simplicity as New!Job.

And because explaining all of the stuff I've spent the last week doing and learning and trying would take a really long post with a lot of words that I'm not coherent enough to spell out, we're going to do this in the universal language of pretty cell-phone pictures.

Cuz that's how the Tower of Babel was built, my biblically unversed friends.

Monday: Chilling, illing. Plugged one computer in, "power cycled" two others, felt generally nervous.

Joey( My First MacBook Pro)=Airport!FAIL

New Apples (11 of them)

Tuesday: Bought stuff. My stuff didn't work. Couldn't fix own computer, felt like failure of tech person. No one seemed to notice.

(Found out I get entire month of July off with pay. Felt slightly better.)

Wednesday: Created images for computers. Talked with Karyn and found out the idea of me helping in the library has not died an early death. Felt much more slightly better.

First Re-imaging. MacMiniAwesome

Thursday: Re-imaged my first computer. Took picture. Am nerd. (But one with photographic documentation of skill, damn it!)

Friday: Did more re-imaging. Had party and drinks at noon (I could get used to this life of leisure stuff) and took Joey back to store. Genius bar says he has a screw loose, and gives me a beautiful new Cecelia.

Students install "Play Me" Piano outside of the school. And various people do just that. Including awesome opera!singer coworker.


Entertaining and checking email at same time. Skillz.

Ways to Save Your Library Money (Furreals)

2010-06-11T18:00:00.003-04:00

If working for the Friendly Neighborhood Wexis Competitor has taught me anything, it's this:

it doesn't count as cheating the system if you understand how the system works.

Things to Know When Dealing with Vendors

1. Where Every Subscription Is
For updated books/titles/etc., vendors will often offer quantity discounts-- but these discounts only click in if all copies of a title are on one account, under one release, and in the same place. Request a list of all of the titles your organization subscribes to, including all accounts with subscriptions, and see what can be centralized.

2. What You're Actually Getting
If your title list (which after reading bullet point one you should have. Keep up, folks.) has the same book five different times, only four of those copies are going to some other department, some other librarian, some faculty member-- consolidate! Why do you need to keep a copy of XYZ on hand if the professor/attorney/etc. who uses it has their own copy?

What about the titles themselves-- what kind of content are we looking at? Are titles A and B more or less the same? Which one is more recent/has a larger view on the issues at hand?

3. Company Policies
This one is for my profesh librarians peeps (holla at ya library-momma). For supplemented titles, there are often deals where within x number of days of an original purchase, you can get the release for free. Before you order a book, check when the next release is coming out, and if you'll get it for free or a discounted rate. Unless you need that title ASAP, waiting a week or two and saving a few hundred dollars might be a good trade off.

4. Discount Plans
Vendors like sending you books for review. They think the more they send, the more likely you are to keep them. Because of this, a lot of them will offer you discount on titles you *do* want to keep to let them send these things out to you. Look into Standing Order Plans or Series Subscription plans to see where you can save money by getting titles for review (and returning 90% of the titles with a prepaid return label-- where's the downside?)

5. Vendors Are Not Your Friends, But Reps Can Be
People who were mean to me on the phone got called "ma'am" and "sir" and told "yes sir I completely understand, I apologize, here's the price." They were dealt with politely, calmly, and as quickly as possible.

People who were nice got jokes, a friendly demeanor, and the extra second steps of giving them information they didn't know they needed to save money, make their lives easier, and make things run smoothly. You can catch more discounts with honey than with vinegar.

6. Cross Check Your Access
Especially within large libraries who have access to aggregate databases-- is this subscription your buying already available under something you're already paying for? Is this print book available electronically through a database you have access to? Do you need to pay for it twice, or can electronic do?

7. Send Holiday Cards (Even Electronic Ones)
As a lowly peon in the organization, I soon gave up all hope of Christmas presents, but even an e-card signed by the staff at a firm I dealt with often made me smile and think of them fondly. These things matter-- your rep doesn't get enough of them to deal with all of the crazies during the day; send one and earn some brownie points.

Rainy Days in New York

2010-06-09T21:15:00.000-04:00

Bring out my biggest New York Pet-Peeve since ever.

Jerks who use golf-umbrellas on rainy days.

Yeah, it looks trendy when you're playing golf. I'm sure it impresses the other golfers in their funny pants and little hats and shoes with the spikes on them. They all go home and talk about what a great umbrella that was and how cool you are, I'm sure.

I go home and hope you get hit by a car, or swept away on a British-bound wind like Mary Poppins. You jerk.

Children of Dune: Still Pretty Awesome

2010-06-07T19:38:00.001-04:00

Today in Things That Are Still Awesome Even After I Graduated High School: Dune and Children of Dune.

Picture this giant friggin' desert. Arid, dry, full of a whole lotta nothing. And in this desert full of a whole lotta nothing, these giant friggin' worms go around pooping out crack.

Not just ordinary crack-- this is like Super-Crack. It makes your eyes really awesome, and gives you super powers, and if your mom uses while she's pregnant instead of getting a crack-baby, she gets a Super-Crack baby who is super brilliant, knows the future, and sees dead people (in their brain).

If you're thinking "Wow, this sounds kinda awesome. Slash cracked out," then you sir are correct! And if you're thinking "There must have been a SciFi original movie for this crap," then pick your door prize because today we are discussing Dune and Children of Dune.

Hokay, so there's this powerful little family, right? And they basically wind up on this desert planet called "Dune," which is the universe's only producer of Super-Crack. And then the hot heir to the throne is found by Dune's version of Bedouin Arabs, screws the chief's hot daughter, and becomes the messiah.

His mom then has a Super-Crack baby (don't ask) who's wins at the Creepiest Child in the Universe Contest, and is declared a Saint. Only not a "let's help the poor" saint like Theresa. A "let's stab things" saint, called St. Alia of the Knife. Who stabs things and kills people and gets called "an abomination" a lot.

The family kills the family that currently controls the planet, takes it over with the help of their religious fanatic followers, there's a voice-over, and the first movie ends.

Fast forward ten years or so, this family has taken over the planet, has a lot of messianic holy wars, and is generally full of crazy people with a lot of money and hotness and power and a monopoly over Super-Crack that every other half-way powerful person in the universe wants to break. Messiah!boy and his hot Chieftan's!Daughter are exhausted by political intrigue and the fact that a whole lotta people want to kill them, so they decide to have babies, then die/disappear and leave these new Super-Crack babies to deal with their mess and somehow run the Family Drug Cartel/Religion.

Two of them, to be exact. Twins. Who are joined at the brain. And make out a lot. And have to deal with a whole lot of existential crises about how you can't escape the future once you know about it because this is like Doctor Who time physics as opposed to Stargate SG-1 time physics.

If you're into political intrigue and complex Machiavellian struggles that aren't quite explained enough in the movies to have them make sense, than this is your kinda duology. If not, watch it for the pretty costumes, pretty people, and pretty landscape.

And for the awesome Litagy Against Fear that will totally freak people out if you recite it in tense social situations:

"I will not fear. Fear is the mindkiller. I will face my fear, I will let it pass through me."

My Name is Michael Weston. I'm Really Hot.

2010-06-03T21:54:00.002-04:00

Person you should know today: Jeffrey Donovan.

My first exposure to Mr. Look-At-My-Sexy-Armpits-Donovan came in the 90s show "The Pretender." The general plot of The Pretender is that Michael T Weiss is a super genius who's been kept in a basement for 25 years, and Andrea Parker has great legs and the general desire to mess your shit up.

See? Those are some great legs on top of those CRAZYEYES.

Donovan played the crazy half-brother of Weiss for all of 3 episodes, and was all "Imma kill people!" and then Weiss was all "nooooooo!" And then Donovan was all "*iz dead*" and that was that.

Then, someone gave Bruce Willis a show, and he decided to make a US version of "Touching Evil." And against all odds (and its short-lived run) it was *friggin* awesome. Including Donovan playing a not-quite-as-crazy as before guy who gets shot in the head and all of a sudden goes from being an okay cop to an amazing I UNDERSTAND THE CRIMINAL MIND cop.

Donovan fought crime and pedophiles and bad stuff, and almost made out with his partner (the chick from that Clooney movie about firing people and gaining frequent flier miles), and lo, it was good. Download it illegally and check it out sometime.

Now, though, we have Donovan as he is meant to b e: making out with Gabrielle Anwar, doing voice overs about how to invade Guatemala and escape from a coffin, and spending a lot of time with Bruce Campbell.

Speaking of, tomorrow's person you should know: Bruce Campbell.

New Job!

2010-05-30T13:08:00.000-04:00

I have one! Starting June 14th, I will be working as a technology assistant for a small, awesome, and prestigious private school in the Village. I'll be fixing computers, trouble shooting printers, and helping out in the small and beautiful library that houses the tech office and about 170 students who do things like learn Japanese at school and hang in the hallways playing blues guitar for hours on end.

I feel so trendy right now, you can't even imagine.

More importantly, this new job means that I can do things like hang out with teenagers, learn how to run and manage a small library with limited staff, and change the world with Karyn Silverman. It means that as of June 11th, I will no longer be a vendor but an actual, honest to Dewey, librarian. Less than a month out of library school, and I'm a real librarian at last.

Thank you, library gods. You are kind, and always remember to rewind (before returning). I will make several sacrifices at the altar of information literacy for you, and lo, it will be good.

The Master

2010-05-18T23:09:00.000-04:00

I totally am.

Because yesterday, I handed in my thesis.

That's right, my thesis. Handed in. Out of my hands, and into someone else's hands.

Like, into a mailbox and everything. There's photographic evidence, posted to Twitter, with a time stamp and everything. And once the grades post, I'll have credentials and everything.

And then you shall refer to me as The Master of Library Sciences.

Bwah ha ha.

Law and Order

2010-05-14T14:31:00.002-04:00

Has been officially canceled. While bemoaning the news with my distract-me-at-work-with-IMs-friend Brianna, I realize I've been paying way too much attention to this show ever since I was seven:

me: Law and Order has been official canceled.

I'm sad.

Brianna: wow, all of them?

like SVU and whatever else?

me: Nah, just the original.

But still! Jack McCoy, man!

Brianna: haha

me: He was a scary ass crazy old man WITH the death penalty!

Brianna: aw. i think i've seen like, two episodes :X

me: It's okay.

Here's how the show went:

1) Bitch(es) got murdered

2) Cops went out and found someone who they were sure did it, only we were only 15 minutes into the show.

3) That guy didn't do it. But ohnotheydidn't here's another guy who totally did!

4) Guy goes on trial (30 minutes into hour). Jack McCoy thinks it's a slam dunk, he gets foiled by some uppity defense attorney.

5) Jack's hot assistant DA chick said some stuff, wearing a short skirt.

6) They totally got the guy in the end, and now he's going down because YOU DON'T FUCK WITH JACK MCCOY.

7) Fade to black.
Brianna : hahaha awesome

Ya here that, NBC? You just stole a Police Procedural Part of my Childhood!

Law and Order taught me things about

critical thinking ("If we're only five minutes into the show, that guy didn't do it even if he is a Neo-Nazi.")
pattern recognition ("She's the first person they interviewed, and she looks totally innocent-- she's totally guilty.")
and enough about the legal system to B.S. my way through every conversation that's ever mentioned legality ever and convince everyone I know what I'm talking about ("The burden of proof for insanity is on the defense, and they have to prove that the defendant was incapable of knowing right from wrong in the moment.")

Important things! Things that are imprinted on my brain to this very day! Where will today's youth get these lessons? Huh? Won't someone please think of the children!

Movie I Am So Going to See (cough bootlegged online cough)

2010-05-14T08:27:00.001-04:00

Agora, with Rachel Weisz is about Hypatia, who has her own Wikipedia article and everything guys! And while it sounds like craptacular fluff (romance! murder! hot-man slaves!) there are two very important things to take away from this movie:

1) HYPATIA WAS A LIBRARIAN OMGZ!
And depending on who you ask, she was either:

a) the Last Librarian for the Library of Alexandria. She totally knew those circulation stats without the help of an ILS, man-- she had that down like James Brown. No, scratch that-- she INVENTED HER OWN INTEGRATED LIBRARY SYSTEM OUT OF STONE AND STUFF! That's hardcore, my friend. Hardfrickincore.

b) A naked lady who hung around thinking deep thoughts and being stoned by Christians (not the 4/20 stoned, the "we're gonna pick up pieces of your ILS and throw them at your head until you're all bloody and dead stoned).

c) A badass.

2) Racheil Weisz is Playing a Librarian for the Second Time in Her Career
She totally loves us. And if she does it a third time, she becomes one of us by default. Like how The Lesbian Rule of Three means Misha Barton is one pair of Doc Martens away from the Pride Parade; Rachel Weisz is officially one movie away from her MLS! Think of the exposure! Think of the hotness!

Dude. This could be in your library. This, right here. That hot chick with the headless snake wrapped about her body.

Thank you, Rachel Weisz. I promise to forgive all your fines if I'm ever in a position to do so. Not that you have fines, except being fine (get it? get it?) but the love is there. Oh yeah. It's there.

You Know What's Awesome?

2010-05-12T22:17:00.000-04:00

XKCD made "Malamanteau" the fourth most Googled term as of 9:15 AM this morning. Fans of the web comic got into a Wikipedia war with, well, fans of Wikipedia, and now the article is frozen for discussion. There are multiple articles that have been hastily thrown together by online news source-y type peoples to give some meaning to the word that, as far as I can tell, was made up this morning.

Dear Power of Society Over the English Language,

Sweet dude. Totally killer.

All my love,

Clair

PS-- This totally makes up for "guestimate"

Free Stuff, Just $5

2010-05-11T20:22:00.001-04:00

So last semester I had to make a bookmark of Free Stuff for Teens for Sarah Couri's Young Adult Services Class.

Except they were all free things I did. Because I'm apparently still fourteen, only kinda hotter. (And I can buy beer now! Score!)

Free Music

Fanmix: Because somewhere out there, there's a little fangirl and boy who have made a free album devoted to their love of Castiel/Dean. And even if that's not your bag, baby, you should join and get free music. Cuz it's free.

Elbo.ws: Blog aggregator for music. So on the twenty thousand bajillionty blogs out there, one guy posts a live version of "I Touch Myself," and instead of making you know where to find this gem of a music master is located, you can just enter it into the search thing that looks like a box, click go, and get to the song. Easy things are easy.

Free Clothes

S.W.A.P.P. & Five Boroughs Clothing Swap: The best part about clothing swaps in NYC? Everyone else has more money and better taste than me. Goodbye Gap T-shirt, hello over-priced dresses from stores I wouldn't actually go into! Booyah!

Free Fun
Etsy Labs: Have you ever looked on Etsy and gone "Wow, I'll never be that talented." Now you can do that in a room full of people! In Brooklyn! For free!

Free Geek
MediumAtLarge: Geeks everywhere, Peter is our people. And as the Program Guru for New York Comic Con, C2E2, NY Anime Festival, Star Wars Celebration, and Your Mom, he posts about a lot of cool (and relatively free/cheap) geek culture things going on in the NYC area.

So. Free things. Go and don't pay for them.

iz sad

2010-05-10T19:41:00.002-04:00

Lena Horne died today at the ripe old age of 92. The first black performer with a long-term contract with a major Hollywood studio (back when Hollywood Studios owned performers and treated them like trading cards), she fought for civil rights, for equal representations, and legal protection from violence and discrimination.

She refused to perform for USO shows where German POWs were seated before African American servicemen. She helped Eleanor Roosevelt draft anti-lynching laws. She supported discriminated against Japanese citizens during and after WW2, and was blacklisted for refusing to shut her mouth in the McCarthy era and sit quietly while the world moved around her.

While my first exposure to Lena was in The Wiz, where she played the Absolutely Fabulous Glinda the Good Witch (who hung out in Space with a lot of shiny babies), my personal favorite Lena scene comes from Sesame Street. She and Kermit sang about how is wasn't easy being green, but how they wouldn't want to be any other way.

You have to be taught to be second class; you're not born that way.
~Lena Horne

Iron Man 2: Awesome Times with Blowing Crap Up

2010-05-07T21:18:00.000-04:00

Two of the NYCC volunteers work with a movie screening company. Which means that when sad, broke, library students want to see movies before they come out, they have two sweet, friendly nerds willing to help.

So Tuesday night, Volunteer Den Mom and I got to go and see Gweneth Paltrow be hot and stilettoed, Scarlet Johansson be surprisingly likable, and Samuel L Jackson remind us all that he hasn't been "acting" for a good fifteen years now.

When Stan Lee made Tony Stark, he wanted to make a character who was intentionally hard to like. Arms dealers-- who the heck likes an arms dealer aside from pirates, mercenaries, and creepy militia guys who have Nazi flags in their basements? No one, that's who.

Unless that arms dealer is Tony Stark, and he has a talking house. Then we're okay.

Because Tony Stark is an orphaned alcoholic ass who deals with his pain by sleeping with everything that moves, spending a lot of money, and hiring a hot secretary to run his life. His temper tantrums involve race cars and Senate hearings, his midlife crisis will probably involve blowing up part of Mars, and his fifth birthday party was the real cause of the San Andreas Fault.

Stan Lee made a character who was hard to like. When Marvel made this into a movie, they wanted to make a film that would be hard for me not to love with a passion. Because they're smart that way.

It's awesome. It comes out today. Go and see it.

Stuff Librarians Like: Fictional Librarians

2010-05-04T20:48:00.000-04:00

In the spirit of Stuff Lesbians Like (duct tape! showing their undies! texting!):

Stuff Librarians Like #1:

Fictional Librarians

Just like lawyers are much more interesting on TV, librarians are much more awesome when they're fighting mummies.

The every day life of the librarian might involve dealing with ten patrons who are mean, twenty people who are clueless, and that one special boy who's defecated in a very special place, but librarians in the media deal with none of that. They are superheroes, crime fighters, and Harrison Ford.*

Librarians in movies have the ability to recall things that no real person that you'd want to spend time with actually knows. They hide library cards in uncomfortable places and pull them out at a moments notice (because all librarians secretly want to be Gambit).

They repel from buildings, fight crime, and always get the girl. Because brains are hot. Seriously. We promise. Brains are mad hot and some day when you grow up all of your peers will find brains more attractive than pretty features, a nice butt, a fit body, and muscles.

Really.

*I know Indiana Jones wasn't actually a librarian. However this argument puts me like two degrees of separation away from Han Solo. Shut up and give me this one.

A Reflection on the Hours to Come

2010-05-03T20:15:00.000-04:00

In haiku form. Like all good reflections should be.

Rough draft due Tuesday
Expect little sleep tonight
Thesis still needs work.

Bonus Verses:

Coffee will be brewed
Bed will not be slept in much
Clair is freaking out.

Tomorrow comes soon
What is this, your matched luggage?
No, bags under eyes.

Spotlight: NYPL Research Branch

2010-05-01T12:41:00.000-04:00

Because I'm spending the next month living in it to finish the Big Damn Thesis, I thought today might be a good time to focus in like a laser on the NYPL Research Branch. Also known as the ones with the lions in front.

Here goes.

The lions are parked outside of the building to instill a fear of learning in all who see them. At night they roam the streets and feed upon those who don't pay their fines, and on deer. What's that you say? Clair, I've never seen deer in New York City? That's because Patience and Fortitude eat them. Der.

That's right, they have names-- Patience and Fortitude, because Aslan and Simba were already taken.

(And frankly, those wussy little Jesus/Hamlet wannabes are pansies compared to the NYPL lions. Oh boo hoo, a witch killed me and cut off all my hair and daddy got stepped on by a wildebeest and my uncle's Jeremy Irons. Cry me the Hudson, you winy fluff balls.)

The outside also has beautiful sculptures, greenery, and this awesome plaque reading "But Above All Things, Truth Beareth Away the Victory."

Which is the ultimate "I got swirlies in middle school from a bully" slogan-- Truth makes your victory hollow and proves me the victor! Even if I smell like Clorox toilet treatment! So there!

(Brief pause for historical truth: The full line is from the Book of Esdras (Ezra) in answer to a question as to what the strongest thing in the world is: "Women are strongest: but above all things Truth beareth away the Victory." That's right-- the NYPL recognizes the strength of the almighty uterus. Rock on, uterus.)

When you get inside, after you get your bag searched by a disinterested looking security guard, you're going to have a few knights-and-princesses castle fantasies. These are completely normal, don't fight them.

Try and pick out the best places to fight off the hoards of invaders, and remember that the princess is in the highest room of the tallest tower.

The Research Branch itself was designed to be a cathedral to the religion of books and learning, and since the Astor's had more money than God, they built one pretty altar.

High ceilings, lots of marble, arching doorways and places for you to pause and go "Holy wowzas, this is gorgeous."

See that ceiling? Your ceiling isn't that cool. And that's not even one of the major rooms, they just felt like doing it! That's the guest bedroom, guys, and it's prettier than most friggin' houses!

You want major rooms, you check out the Reading Room. In fact, here, check this out:

Yeah. Now that's a reading room. That's gold right there, my friends. I'm talking more books than you could ever need, tables that stretch forever with plugs at each seat, free wireless internet, and quiet study for as long as your little heart desires (i.e. 1-5 on Sundays).

You can see more images on the NYPL Digital Archives (because someone realized it was smart to host their own pictures to show off how awesome they are) or just wander in. You know that whatever you're doing right this moment isn't nearly as cool as wandering a big castle/cathedral building full of books and statues and princesses.

See This?

2010-04-30T17:07:00.000-04:00

This is what I'm seeing tonight.

Oh yeah. Tribeca Film Festival. Not just for French-movies-about-boring-white-people-who-kill-themselves-in-the-end-because-life-is-pointless-in-the-face-of-ennui anymore.

Flat Stanley: Promoting Literacy By Being in my Pants

2010-04-29T19:26:00.001-04:00

So like a week ago, I was all "let's run around a convention center in a strange town for four days with little sleep, water, food, and respite. And also, semi-insult/become new twitter BFFs with Bill Willingham, become Batgirl, and do some other stuff that I can't remember now."

Yeah. Remember that? Good times.

But more important than the fact that I am Batgirl (only just slightly) is that I had a little man in my pants.

That's right, Flat Stanley came with me. I was both happy to see everyone and had something in my pocket.

And other people were happy to see us, too. See? I have photographic evidence.

Follow the jump for a photo dump. (Rhyming skillz yo.)

Flat Stanley does covert work for COBRA on the side. He can slip under doors and blend into sand-- GI Joe stands no chance.

He hung out with some awesome librarians at the ALA Booth

(Yoda came too.)

Iron Man almost beat him up because Stanley was all "Yo, Tony Stark! My parents are still alive! Ha ha ha!" And Tony Stark was all "Imma kill you." And then Flat Stanley was all "That's cool, my PARENTS will come to my funeral. FACE!"

Yeah. His meeting with Bruce Wayne didn't end well either.

You may be asking yourself, Self, how did Flat Stanley manage to do so much from the comfort and safety of Clair's belt loops? It doesn't seem physically possible!

Flat Stanley does five impossible things before breakfast!

...and there were a lot of time travelers at this thing.

Mary Russell: Fictional Character You Should Totally Love

2010-04-28T20:30:00.001-04:00

So my folks used to have this rule when we went to the bookstore-- I could get one crap book (defined by my father as anything I could read in less than three hours) for every serious book (defined by me as something my father wanted me to read that I totally knew would be mad boring).

This led to a lot of me reading Nancy Drew books hidden inside "The Black Pearl." Bwah ha ha, take that parental system of promoting literacy. I totally played you.

But bottom line: whatever crap boring book I had to pretend to read to get The Beekeeper's Apprentice when I was in 5th Grade? Totally worth it. Because that's where I met Mary Russell.

Okay so here's the deal:

Mary Russel is young, Jewish, and super-brill. And she's wandering around Sussex one afternoon in 1915, steps on Sherlock Holmes, and becomes his new partner/BFF/eventual-jail-bait-wife.

Now I know what you're saying-- Clair, this sounds like bad fanfiction. Like bad Mary Sue fanfiction where she's going to turn out to have powers or something and secretly be a fairy princess and her middle name is Rain or some crap.

But you're wrong! Because against all odds it turns out to be awesome! Furreals, guys-- really awesome!

Reasons She's Awesome

1) Hot Chicks Wear Glasses: Dude, she's a female Sherlock Holmes. That's like taking awesome and making it hot and blond! Why wouldn't you love that?

2) She's Well-Written: I kind of don't like anything else Laurie R King writes. But for some reason the Mary Russell series is like my favorite thing ever and I've reread every one of these books dozens of times and they keep getting better the more I read them.

3) It's History and Junk
Not like how Xena was history (did you know that Pices happened because Xena threw a fish into space? True story.) but real honest to goodness history. Like, historical maps and conflicts and information you'll never read/listen to in history class. The growth of Palestine, the trials of India under imperialist rule, the changes of social class systems brought about by the first world war-- fascinating stuff you won't even notice you're learning until you've already learned it!

4) King Doesn't Mess Holmes Up
Because as a Holmesian purist from my earliest years, and a Bretthead to boot, I know I logically should hate this concept. Except King writes both Holmes and Russell as completely believable characters, and manages to create her own cannon without destroying the tone of the original Holmes stories and the character Doyle created.

It works. I don't know how, but it totally does.

Having finished the 10th book in the series, "The God of the Hive," I can say that this is probably the one area in my life where my fifth grade self had taste. Not like how I thought The Rugrats movie was the pinnacle of great film making, or how plaid skirts were a good look.

Real taste. Literary taste. Go forth and share that taste. Because it's awesome (and elementary).

/puns.

Big Damn List of Things To Do

2010-04-27T21:22:00.000-04:00

It's big. And scary And I'm totally wrapping myself in a Brown Coat of Comfort until it's all over.

1) Thesis-- Due on May 18th

2) Thesis (Rough Draft)-- Oh crap, when is this due? Crap, crap, crap.

3) Archives Paper-- 15 pages on folksonomies and the rise of social networking archives, which requires a brief meeting with my archival-BFF.

For all that I love Ben Alexander, I'm an idiot for taking one of his classes at the same time as my thesis. A masochistic, big idiot.

4) The God of the Hive-- Came out today. Guess what's going on the back burner for the next twelve obsessive hours of reading? If you guessed "Everything," you win a prize. I'll figure out what when I'm done reading this book.

5) Getting the IRB form signed-- Eventually, Professor Kibirige and I have to sit and have a talk. I'll bring ladyfingers and tea. It'll be great.

6) Archives Presentation-- Tomorrow. Which of course means it'll actually get pushed back about two weeks, but still. Presentation. Tomorrow. (It's about comic books. Rock on.)

7) Clean My Apartment-- Seriously. It's starting to get a little stinky.

Dear IRB Board

2010-04-26T18:37:00.000-04:00

I recognize that I previous mentioned that we are not BFFs, but I would like to inform you of an upgrade in your status.

While I still loathe you with a passion, we are now friends-who-talk-about-each-other-behind-their-backs.

Yes, I know, I am excited for this new stage in our relationship as well. But seeing as how you approved by IRB form, only for it to arrive and inform me that I have until April 27th to obtain my faculty adviser's signature and return it in person to your office, I think this new status is warranted.

You evil, pain in my butt, hopefully almost out of the way thing.

Kiss Kiss,

Clair

Things That Are Awesome Today

2010-04-22T22:48:00.000-04:00

They're making a movie called MacGruber. Which looks awful, but is obviously a parody of:

Which, okay, so I never really watched. But you know what happened after MacGuyver made some stuff out of rubber bands and paperclips?

He met aliens and stuff.

And had fantastic biceps and posed a whole lot with them bulging out and stuff.

Like this. See? That's awesome. You know that guy could totally beat you up, while being snarky and attractive and awesome.

Yeah. Awesome.

Good choice Hollywood. Good choice.

This Really Happened

2010-04-21T20:35:00.000-04:00

THE SCENE:
A picturesque day in the village. Children play, yuppies yup, librarians bounce in blue dresses, high on the possibility of changing the world.

Old Man (seeing me texting on cell phone as I walk): "These young people today. Don't know where they're going!"

Me (channeling my inner Holly Golightly, turn happily on my heel and grin): "My dear sir, I am going straight to the top!"

Old Man: *grumble grumble old guy stuff*

Me: *beam*

I Live. Furreals, guys

2010-04-20T22:50:00.000-04:00

So I am alive and home safe and all those other awesome things.

C2E2 left me sore and achy and happy and all sorts of things that a major event that involves a grand total of 20 hours of sleep over five days leaves you. There will be pictures and posts and descriptions when I don't feel like curling into a ball and sleeping away the rest of April. But until then, this is what you need to know:

I am vengance.
Bill Willingham is now following me on Twitter. Yeah. You know I just got a little cooler.
I am the night.
I have a giant poster of Kick Ass waiting to be framed.
I.
I have a The Losers t-shirt on right now.
Am
I have the business card of the President of Avatar, Inc. in my bag (and his booze in my bell-ay.
Batgirl!

*cough* the librarian *cough* *cough*

Thanks to Gene Ha and $20. Rock.

A Post... from the PAST! OMG!

2010-04-15T11:35:00.000-04:00

By the time you read this, I will be sitting in a hotel with a buncha people I adore trying to figure out which one of my gray Reed Staff shirts to put on for C2E2.

That's right-- THIS IS A POST FROM THE PAST! Time travel rocks.

I will be preparing myself to take pictures of Flat Stanley with a lot of Storm Troopers. I will have a camera with fresh batteries loaded and ready to go to take pictures of a lot of people wearing the most baller costumes in the history of geekdom. I will be wondering if I should wear my fanny pack to the convention center, or suck it up and carry a giant purse around.

I will be psyched outta my mind. You should be too.

My Birthday

2010-04-13T23:23:00.000-04:00

Falls at the same time as the start of National Library Week.

...

I am so meant to be a librarian, holy crap.

It's like some epic fairy tale, only instead of my birth corresponding with a solar eclipse that will reveal the next leader of the realm through prodigious use of an emerald and some elves, unless the evil queen with the amazing decolletage (which is a fancy name for boobie cleavage, doncha know) manages to kill the green fairy and cast the land into eternal darkness, it corresponds with Library Week.

Fantastic. Happy Library Week. May all your book talks be bright.

Also Coming to C2E2: Flat Stanley

2010-04-12T21:15:00.000-04:00

So unless you haven't been paying attention, you terribly unobservant person, you will have noticed that there are only two places on the planet that I am currently willing to do free work for:

1) Reed Exhibitions
2) Teen Central

Because not only do both volunteer experiences give me great friends and warm fuzzy feelings, but both are heavily entrenched in one thing: Geeks.

So with the approach of C2E2 and my upcoming volunteer awesomeness-time happening in less than 48 hours, I am proud to announce another guest who will be attending Chicago through the courtesy of Clair's two feet: Flat Stanley.

The major premise of Flat Stanley is this: So there's this kid, right? And he's got neglectful parents who don't secure his bulletin board to the wall tightly enough, so in the middle of the night it falls on him.

Instead of making him horrifically ugly, or giving him grounds for an emancipation law suit, it crushes him flat! Like paper and stuff! So now Flat Stanley can go everywhere paper can and it's awesome!

Then some teachers got involved and started the Flat Stanley Project, where students make a Flat Stanley, write a journal for him, then shove him in an envelope with the papers and send him off somewhere far away and exotic to learn more about other cultures and encourage literacy.

This combines three of my favorite things-- travel, literacy, shoving things in envelopes. I'm sold.

Miss Beth is interning at Teen Central, where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and the children are above average. And knowing that I'm going to Chicago (because I've been talking about it obnoxiously for about six months now) she helped the librarians make a Flat Stanley, laminate him, and give him to me to take pictures of him with people dressed as Spiderman!

There is no shortage of these folks at C2E2. I predict epic awesomeness.

Passover Part 2: Why is This Night Different From All Other Nights?

2010-04-09T20:45:00.000-04:00

So now that you know what Passover is about, here's a brief run down of what your favorite Chosen Person did last Monday and Tuesday that probably left them hung over for work on Wednesday.

Passover is all about celebration. Every Jewish holiday can be summed up by the cliff notes of "They tried to kill us, they didn't get us all, let's eat."

And that's what we do.

You have this big honking meal featuring Matzo ball soup (soggy bread in a ball in chicken soup), and Manischewitz (what happens when Dimetapp has a one night stand with a cheap Bordeaux).

Before you can have this big honking meal, though, you have to do the Seder which is basically like having to go to Temple from the comfort of your own living room. You retell the story of Passover, and do some other stuff, and drink heavily.

Highlights of the Seder Include:
1) The Four Questions-- Where you force the youngest kid at the table who barely reads Hebrew to suddenly recite four paragraphs of the stuff and freak out in front of the whole family.

2) The Ten Plagues-- God did bad stuff to the Egyptians because they were asking for it, but we're not happy about that (except kinda) so now we spill wine from our glasses as we read out the plagues that were forced onto innocent townspeople. Now drink more!

3) Horseradish-- Because slavery sucks. Eat horseradish and make a funny face so that you too may understand the bitterness of those caught in the grip of slavery. Also known as my ancestors were kinda dicks.

4) Booze-- You have to drink four cups of wine throughout the course of the service. Tack onto this the fact that you've been drinking since 2 in the afternoon, and you get pretty vershnackered.

5) Matzoh-- Think a Ritz cracker with no flavor, buttery coating, salt, or golden brown beauty. That's Matzoh. You eat it until it comes out of you pores.

Then you eat, then you repeat. This happens two nights in a row. So not only are you hung over on the second night, but then you lounge about all day and then get up to repeat it with a little hair of the dog and more crackers.

Wear a funny hat, stuff yourself on whatever happens to be around, and remember: If you want to eat pizza during this week, or anything else with bread in it-- you can't. Unless you pull all the shades or do it in a windowless room. Cuz God can't see through walls.

Happy Passover! Next Year in Jerusalem!

New Thing I Hate With a Passion in NYC

2010-04-08T21:00:00.000-04:00

By new thing I mean something people have always done and just irks me especially today. You understand.

Jerks who do this:

Yeah, that's right Mr/Ms Imma-Lean-Up-Against-A-Pole-In-A-Crowded-Subway, I'm talking to you. That pole is for everyone. Not just you. You are not the owner of the pole. Instead of your bulging back taking up this pole, five or six people could be awkwardly crowded around it. Instead, we're all just silently glaring at you hoping you lose your balance and smash into the guy in front of you.

There's a Chris Rock skit my mom likes to quote where he says that the overall job of father is to keep their daughters off the pole.

Dear New York: Keep Your Citizens Off the Pole.

Passover Part 1: What is All This?

2010-04-03T20:14:00.000-04:00

For my non-Chosen-People friends out there, I'd like to take a moment to explain to you a bit about Passover.

Passover is when Jews everywhere celebrate that which the Lord did for me-- brought me (and my people) out of Egypt where they were held in slavery for a really long time after that guy with the baller coat showed up.

To get us outta that party, this guy Moses (who was sorta the Pharaoh's brother before he took his kohl and wig off-- an awkward family dinner situation) got a magic staff from God and brought down plagues (10 of them, doncha know) on Egypt to really piss everyone off.

And boy-o did it work. Especially that last bit where the Angel of Death killed every first born male in Egypt, except for the houses with blood on their doors (aka the Jews). He passed-over those.

Get it? Get it?

Then Whitney Houston showed up and sang and stuff, and 3k years later, Jews everywhere have a celebration about how we left this crappy country, got lost in the desert for 40 years, did a lot of stupid shit in the desert that got a lot of us killed by Moses (like, worse than nagging him about if we were there yet), and then got to the Promised Land.

*cough cough* whichwassortofalreadyoccupiedbypeoplewhodidn'twanttoleavesowehadtokillmadbitchesbutthatshowhistoryworks *cough* cough*

So here we are. And now we have meals, read the story over again, and eat tasteless crackers. It's actually kinda awesome.

He's Not All Bad

2010-04-03T19:45:00.000-04:00

Darth volunteers at the ASPCA twice a week. Coincidentally, the Alliance doesn't discriminate based on planet or origin or race.

Enter Lieutenant Fuzzybuttons.

Big Damn Summer Plans

2010-03-31T11:28:00.000-04:00

Have come to grand realization!

I think that recently, I've fallen into too much of a routine; go to work, go to class, come home. Rinse, lather, repeat with varying degrees of coffee and attentiveness. Not that there's anything wrong with routine, mind you. It keeps you going and I find mine to be hugely rewarding, and is something all the Metamucil commercials tell me to strive for.

But it's so routine.

So having realized I am unable to take the Big Damn Trip for lack of money, time, resources, I am replacing it with The Big Damn Summer.

Goals for the Big Damn Summer include trying brand spanking new things all the friggin' time. This means not only learning to drive and then going to trips to places (because that's always a good plan), but running around parks with people, going to concerts, taking trial lessons for new fads that Brooklyn comes up with, spontaneous beach trips, wandering the city at all hours of the day and night, playing new sports, and generally having an awesome time of awesome.

Real Quick, I Swear

2010-03-31T00:18:00.000-04:00

So tomorrow/later today I'll explain to everyone about what Passover means to the Jews/My Family, but in the meantime I'm excited to share this new game plan for my summer.

I'm graduating from Queens in less than a month and a half and I've decided that it's about time, now that I have both a regents and a bachelors and my master's degree to get my driver's license. Because:

a) I'll have the time

b) I live in Manhattan-- if you can drive without crashing into people/cars/buildings here, you can drive anywhere

c) I'll be going through TEACH ME TEACH withdrawal and probably need something to distract me from the fact that for the first time in 18 years, I won't be in school for at least 6 hours of my week.

So starting whenever-the-heck-I-have-the-money/probably a few months after I graduate and get my tax return, I will be starting lessons to figure out what the heck I can do with a car in NYC.

Please commence recommendations on:

a) Cars

b) Driving schools

c) How good of an idea this is

To Celebrate the Begining of Spring and the End of Winter

2010-03-28T11:09:00.000-04:00

After the first Death Star was blown up, Lord Vader has a bit of a nervous break down. The storm troopers found him on Hoth making snow wookies and repeating "I'm a pretty sith! I'm a pretty sith!" over and over to himself.

The end was close at hand.

The Pregnancy Pact

2010-03-25T22:15:00.000-04:00

Is on LifeTime this Saturday. If I wasn't already scheduled to go to Miss Beth's and watch UFC?

Oh yeah. I'd totally be finding out "What possessed 18 young girls to get pregnant-" "You guys have to swear! You'll all get pregnant too!" "-AT THE SAME TIME?!"

Anime Club: Come Watch a Show with the Librarian in My Purse

2010-03-24T23:42:00.000-04:00

So Nancy Pearl came to me today and says (in her little librarian action figure voice):

"So, Clair, I want to watch a movie. We've been working on this giant project all day for the Friendly Neighborhood Wexis CompetitorWe should watch a movie. But I want to watch it with fun people, and for free, and I don't actually want to watch a movie, I want to watch something new and interesting and that I won't think to watch on my own. And anime. And maybe a little bit gay."

And I says to Nancy, I says: "Little lady, have I got a place for you."

Teen Central baby!

The Otaku Take Over Week may be over, but Otaku's live forever, especially when we're talking about Teen Central.

First up was "Rurouni Kenshin" with the fabulous Kamatari, who contrary to what the American Dub taught me, is not a female but is actually gay/cross-dressing/inter-sexed/transgendered/undefined who wants to be a woman so that he can get this man he's in love with fall for him, but recognizes that this will never happen. So instead, he tries to be a good killer in his Unrequited-Love's service.

Which makes him as a character so much more interesting, and as Miss Beth pointed out, more than a little tragic.

Fun Fact I Learned: In a conversation in Japanese, you can go for the entire thing without ever mentioning a gender specific pronoun or possessive. Leading to all the confusion in anime/mangas.

(Also, the dudes look like really pretty girls. This probably doesn't help.)

Next up was an anime that all of my Google skills can't find-- possibly Gintama, maybe not. I'm a bad otaku.

What you need to know? Instead of Matthew Perry coming to Japan and opening it up for trade, aliens did.

So now there are aliens. And humans. Some of those humans cross-dress, some of them make robots that vomit sushi, some of them are forcefully ejected from hostess establishments by their nostrils.

It's all good.

Fun Fact I Learned: Matthew Perry opened up Japan for trade. I should have paid more attention in school.

Finally came Revolutionary Girl Utena. There's this pink haired chick in a uniform, right? And she wants to be a price. And a lot of rose petals.

And then there's a bunch of a-holes at her school who want to molest this purple haired chick. And a lot of rose petals.

And then there's a tower and the worst song ever written, and a tower shaped like a giant screw. And a lot of rose petals.

It's really gay. I liked it. There's also a lot of awesome dialogue, unrequited love, noble intentions, bad guys, bitch slaps, and sparkles.

Teen Central does Anime Club ever Wednesday at 5. So you should go, because there are a bunch of awesome people there. See?

This month is also a special combination of the Gay Straight Alliance and Anime Club. Come to the GSA this Friday at 5 and watch something awesome with us.

There might be Xena, there might be Freaks and Geeks there might be Buffy; who knows?

(You can use the link to vote. *cough* For Xena *cough*)

Three Chapters of My Thesis: Down Like the Ground, Baby!

2010-03-23T19:42:00.000-04:00

Yeah, that's right! You get partially finished, you stupid paper! Thought you'd show me, did you? Well, we'll see who's laughing now, won't we!

That's right! It's me! Because I've lost my damn mind over writing you and am talking entirely in Ali-like exclamation points!

And that ain't all, oh no boy! I've updated the archive that the paper is about! Because I am that hyped up right now and just that friggin' awesome with my damn self!

I write like a grad student, sway like a tree! You think I need sleep? No, just more coff-eee!

Remember the Jackie Chan Adventures?

2010-03-21T16:25:00.000-04:00

Well, now you do. Presenting what I spent my night watching with the love and support of Kevin and Sean:

Apparently, Jackie Chan only did the voice for, well, himself during the first season. And then, as Kevin claims "he sounded too Asian and they got rid of him." IMDB seems to confirm.

I hope somewhere out there, Jackie Chan drop kicked someone for that.

And then there was the Fantastic Four cartoon. Where Sue did nothing except get kidnapped and pout and monologue out loud to herself. As a lovely little note before you force yourself to watch the Fantastic Four video?

Stan Lee animated himself into the "Previously, on the Fantastic Four" part of the cartoon. And voiced himself. I love you, you crazy, awesome, crazy old man.

Excelsior!

I Knew I Forgot Something!

2010-03-19T23:49:00.000-04:00

In today's economic climate, it's more important than ever to trust in the strength of the system and your government. Remember-- keep spending, keep saving, keep growing the economy and encouraging more jobs to come back into this star system.

I am pleased to announce 200,000 jobs being opened up this spring to begin work on a brand new space station/small moon. Full time, competitive salary, 20 vacation days a year, full health care and dental.

The Empire is an Equal Opportunity Employer (excluding rebel scum).

Kiss Me, I'm Awesome

2010-03-17T23:01:00.001-04:00

New York smells like drunk college chicks.

Happy St. Patrick's Day. Now go and be a little bit less publicly drunk for another year.

Alice in Wonderland Part-ah

2010-03-16T23:05:00.000-04:00

The lovely Petrina is going to rock out with her petticoats out at the Wonderland in Spring Ball this Friday at Galapagos Space in Brooklyn. Because she's awesome (and doesn't want to go home with a stranger/anyone stranger than me) I'm going too!

Which means it's costume time!

New Discovery: When going to a ball whose major theme is hysteria and lunacy, all you need to do to have a costume is the following:

1) Pick mismatched patterns
2) Layer skirts
3) Thigh high socks
4) Wear a corset

Pretty much anything looks good with a corset. Heads up. I am so going to look like a lunatic on the A Train at four AM. And totally cool with that.

In Which I See Kick Ass and Create a Narrative for a Librarian Action Figure

2010-03-15T23:48:00.000-04:00

So the lovely Peter and Petrina (or P2E2 as no one calls them) gave me Nancy Pearl in a Box for Christmas. And while she has been doing lovely in the box, I've decided that just like spring means I can show my legs again, it should mean that Nancy gets a little play time.

Presenting the first installment of Nancy Pearl's Travels.

(Dear Real Nancy Pearl, please don't sue me. I love you and your sensible shoes so very much.)

After getting paid last Tuesday, Nancy and I are broke. Mad broke. Empty sad wallet broke. How, I asked, will we have an awesome time tonight? With no moneys for spending? How, Nancy, how?

No moneys does not deter Nancy Pearl, LIBRARIAN ACTION FIGURE!

The lovely Michelle in her loveliness asked me "Hey, Clair, you wanna come see Kick Ass with me and P2E2?"

For those of you asking, what is Kick Ass?

Picture this trailer, only where the little girl says "Let's see what you can do" the line actually goes "Okay, you c&nts, let's see what you can do." And then everyone dies bloody.

Yeah. You want to see this movie. And so did I. So Nancy tagged along for the ride because my purse is spacious that way, and information (and movies) want to be free.

The screening was a partnership between Lions Gate and UGO, with Mark Millar and John Romita, Jr. doing a panel at the end to answer questions and generally be awesome. After a slight mix-up with the tickets (apparently it's really hard to spell "Tatara" and "Manning." Who knew?) we ran into a fellow Comrade in Geek who helped us in and got us settled.

Nancy was pleased with her lovely ticket.

And with the delicious caramel covered popcorn. Nom nom nom, goes Nancy Pearl.

Kick Ass was hands down the most amazing superhero movie I've seen since The Dark Knight. It's the kind of movie that if it wasn't so well done could turn into a parody of everything the superhero genre is about, but it doesn't. Instead it's a wonderful hero story-- everyone can be a hero, everyone can stand for their fellow man.

(Though some people get to do that with bazookas. Kinda jealous.)

Everyone was cast extremely well, the violence was amazing and over the top and perfect for this kind of thing. I cried (more than once), I laughed myself silly, and Michelle and I have officially decided that this exchange is going to be rhetoric around the volunteer table at C2E2:

"You'll have to screw someone."

"Tony!"

"Yeah, screw Tony!"

"Yeah, fuck Tony."

"Tony's a scumbag."

At the end, Millar and JRJ took questions. Millar has a Scottish accent and is a dreamy blond. JRJ looks like the thug with a heart of gold in every movie/soap opera/book series I ever watched/read/read the fanfiction for. We're talking a cross between John Marcone and Sonny Corinthos (sans the pout).

Movie over, a great time had by all, and Nancy knew that if the evening was going to end on a high note, there was someone she needed to meet.

Blurry but heartfelt. (She's giving a thumbs up, not picking a booger, I swear.)

So yeah. Kick Ass. When it comes out, spend the money to go and see it. So worth every penny that I didn't have to pay due to the kindness of Michelle, P2E2, and Lance Freshness.

Young Adult Services Symposium, or, How I Learned Something Before Noon on a Saturday

2010-03-13T18:23:00.000-05:00

So this morning at 10 AM, while most of you were sleeping, myself, Miss Beth, and Sarah Couri from Teen Central were out bettering ourselves.

Be jealous.

Ramblings too long? Kriss Kross will make you jump, jump.

The first part of this symposium that you need to know about is that it was pretty awesome before anyone actually started talking, for the following reasons:

1) Sarah Couri got me in by the goodness of her charity. Miss Beth is interning at Teen Central, told me that Sarah was speaking at this conference, and then when I did this \o/ and danced, asked Sarah if I could come.

Sarah said yes. Cuz Sarah is awesome.

2) Someone had the brilliant idea to combine danish and jelly donuts into one pastry. Like, a danish with a slap of jelly donut filling right on top. I may have had two. And a muffin. And several cups of coffee.

Awesome.

So I was in a pretty damn good mood to begin with, but then we actually got to the presentations. 30 minutes each, all by dynamic speakers with something interesting to say.

1) Death by Booktalk

Barbara Moon talked about inventive ways to booktalk. Which would have all worked on me, because I totally want to read all of the books she mentioned already.

Some of her ideas/techniques included: have your booktalk victims/subjects/whathaveyou try and guess which book goes to which song lyrics, have them guess which page of the book your pulling text from, giving them a book quiz to match personality with READING DESTINY!, have them put a bag over their heads with the title written at the top and try and guess based on everyone else's hints.

Very interesting, thought it didn't feel feasible for an urban library setting; I can't imagine any of the Teen Central guys putting a bag over their heads and playing BookCharades.

Several handouts, which by the end looked like this:

And this:

2) Library Services to Incarcerated Teens and Adults in NYC

Speakers: Vikki Terrille, Jim Huffman, Anne Lotito Schuh, Anja Kennedy, all members of the METRO Prison SIG.

The bottom line of this panel? These people do some really hard work. Like, emotionally draining, fighting the system, "Why do juvenile delinquents need librarians? Let the little convicts sit in their cells and count their arm hairs!" work. Fighting a system that doesn't want them there, working against staff members who are at best permissive and at worst downright unresponsive, and being in an environment where hardcover books can't be given to the teens under their care because that book can be a physical weapon.

After listening to them talk, I have come to the conclusion that I couldn't do this for a living, but I have a huge level of respect for those who are strong enough to. Like pediatric surgeons, or district attorneys: noble fighters on the side of good, who I could definitely not be one of.

3) Trend Spotting: Youth, Libraries, and Learning
Speaker: Brian Kenney

Note: Not Brian Kinney.

This was a giant auditorium presentation to everyone in attendance. Brian, Editorial Director of Library Journal and School Library Journal, talked about trends he's seeing in libraries.

Interesting, though I will say that my favorite part of this presentation was:

1) Picture of The TROVE at White Plains Library

2) The fact that apparently if you go to the School Library Journal you can get a 2 year free subscription to the journal as a student.

Other than that, I'm just mainly jealous of pretty pretty libraries with pretty pretty "destination" focuses and pretty pretty budgets.

4) Street Librarianship: Do You Have What it Takes to Work with Urban Teens?

Speaker: Christian Zabriskie

Okay, so Imma level with you: I saw this guy sitting in on the Book Talk speach and I thought "Oh my God, he has amazing facial hair, and is kinda awesome just sitting there. He's fun."

And then he gave a panel, and yeah, he totally was.

Chris's perspective can pretty much be summed up by: "Do a good job, give the teens a lot of energy, or get the heck out because we don't need more apathetic people getting in the way." Which I totally respect and agree with.

He also made the great point of "Respect is currency in the inner city." And to gain respect, you as a teen librarian have to enforce the rules, make sure the teens know you're there to help them, and don't try and be a friend-- try and be a librarian. Give it every ounce of energy you have, because that's what they deserve.

Perfect Pre-Break-For-Lunch Speaker. I approve.

5) LUNCH
With Sarah, and Miss Beth, and Annie. There were burgers, and eggs benedict, and New York clam chowder. I have no idea why I remember all that.

There were also awesome stories of home towns, engagements, library school, and siblings. A great time was had by all.

(And then we went back out in the rain. *death gurgle*)

6) To the Jedi Council-- and Beyond! How Older Teens/Young Adults and Revitalizing SErvices at the New York Public Library

With Jesus watching over us to ensure quality learning, it was time for Sarah's presentation!

Lots of questions asked, lots of comments, and a great deal of information shared.

Basically, it boils down to this: teens age out of their Teen Services. And then public libraries, or at least the NYPL, kinda drops them flat. There's little adult programming that they will find relevant or helpful or engaging, so they stop coming. A teen who's built this whole community and safe place at the library all of a sudden loses it forever, and doesn't return.

ENTER SARAH AND TEEN CENTRAL!

Now with the Jedi Council/TAASP Group, Older Teens can have an active role in the library, by interning and helping to run Teen Central. Instead of dropping them on their own when they hit 19 and saying "Good luck and God speed, here's a new library card to celebrate you losing that support system" Teen Central lets them have an active role in helping to run the place that they've made their safe haven over the last however many years.

Cool ideas they've come up with?
1) The Play Pen (Not Actually Called That)
Picture a room full of instruments, sewing machines, snow shovels, cake pans-- everything you want to play with. Now picture that you can do these things at the library.
2) The GSA
Teen Central's Gay Straight Alliance. Featuring awesome discussion, videos, hanging out, and a warm supportive place for teens/twenties of all orientations to chill. How great is that?
3) Anime Club
See the earlier post where I got my butt handed to me and was educated about Yaoi. It's so awesome that this exists.

Sarah answered questions, people looked satisfied (and like they agreed that Grown Up Librarians Don't Work as Hard as Teen Librarians), and then the day ended.

Fighting my way in the rain and sleet and dark of the early morning was so worth it. I feel like I learned more in five 30 minute segments than I have in entire courses! Which says sad things about the state of library education, but still! Awesome courses, awesome presenters, and fun company.

What more can you ask of a Saturday?

Pollen, Dander, Dust

2010-03-12T13:56:00.000-05:00

Today's "Darth Vader is Not Amused" has been brought to you by NerdSherpa.

Little known fact: Darth Vader actually wears the mask to deal with his terrible hay fever. It's the Future Version of Claritin-D. When you mock him for it, you mock every allergy sufferer.

(And risk his throat-crushing wrath. Fair warning.)

Pic originally found on Jlist. If you know the original artist, high five them for me.

TV on the Internet? How Droll.

2010-03-11T11:48:00.000-05:00

I have a cable box and all the love that comes along with it; I'm an addict, and unless my finances drastically change and I can no longer afford it, I am going to keep my lovely Time Warner box with its DVR function and giant friggin' remote with too many buttons.

But even I know this is awesome: Clicker.Com.

Presenting one website that tells you exactly what shows are online and links you to where you can find them. No more searching SurftheChanne l versus Hulu versus AlluC. Now you can look at one website, see where the heck your favorite episode of StarTrek the Original Series is, and watch it.

It's like the TV Guide channel without the irritating peppy little programs being shown in the top half of your screen.

New Professional Org. Memberships

2010-03-10T16:15:00.000-05:00

I have them. I am now a member of:

AALL-- American Association of Law Librarians
ALA-- American Library Association

-Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered Round Table
-Federal and Armed Forces Libraries Round Table
-Library Research Round Table

ACRL-- Association of College and Research Libraries

-College Libraries Committee
-University Libraries Committee
-Law and Political Science Committee

NYLA-- New York Library Association
YALSA-- Young Adult Library Services Association

And paying for all but one of them all by my lonesome. After a wonderful conversation yesterday with a law librarian from Thompson and Knight I learned the following:

"It's not who you know. People say that, but it's not true. It's not who you know, it's who you can keep thinking about you, and what they think. Every job I've ever gotten was because I joined local professional organizations and went to things and spread my face around and let people know I was looking for a job. And I've gotten fired a lot in my life-- trust me on this."

Good advice, kindly mentor. Good advice.

Text Me Money

2010-03-09T22:50:00.000-05:00

So the Brooklyn Public Library has recently set up a system where, similar to the Haiti Donations, you can give to the library via text message. Text once, donate $10 to the BPL via a charge on your end of the month bill.

This brings up two very interesting ideas for me:

1) How amazing that we've evolved as librarians to the point where instead of scoffing at text messages as a way of delivering information and funds (the way some more traditional librarians have-- I'm looking at you Michael Gorman, and glaring politely in disgust), we've embraced this "new" technology as a legitimate means of growing and reaching more users. This shows a modernness and a focus on patron needs that I am proud to be a part of as a profession.

and 2)
Where can I get me one of these "text this number and I get money" phone #s? Because I could use a new set of tea cups, and this sounds promising.

I Think They Sell These Downstairs from my Office

2010-03-05T19:04:00.000-05:00

The best part about this image, aside from the fact that it has somehow made Lady Liberty badass?

It makes me think of the Planet of the Apes Musical.

And the song that I maybe remembered more words to than I'd care to admit:

Troy: Oh my God, I was wrong
It was Earth all along

You've finally made a monkey
Apes: Yes, we've finally made a monkey

Troy: Yes, you've finally made a monkey out of me

Apes: Yes, we've finally made a monkey out of you

Troy: I love you, Dr. Zaius!

Somewhere out there, Darth Vader is pissed that he's sharing his weekly spotlight with Troy MacClure. I'm so dead.

Otaku Take Over!

2010-03-04T21:18:00.000-05:00

This week is the Otaku Take Over at Teen Central, and I'm having a blast running around with teenagers and acting my (internal geekboy) age.

There are free books for giveway (including one of the Beka Cooper series, from my favorite crossdressing-knights-are-love author Tamora Pierce), video games, anime, Sailor Moon, and some of the most badass teens you'll ever met.

Yesterday was an awesometastic mashup of the Gay Straight Alliance and the Anime Club, where we watched Sailor Moon and talked about how Haruka was really, really hot. I learned a tonnage of new stuff (yaoi apparently translates to "without a point," a reference to the fact that it originally started out as gratuitous porn; yuri means "flower" because as it was so aptly explained "Because flowers look like vaginas!").

Today was gaming day. Here I am challenging Miss Beth at Naruto, while our helpful teacher announces our Ultimate Showdown.

IN THIS CORNAH, HAILING FROM WAY THE HELL UP THE ISLAND, IN THE FUZZY EARS AND BROWN REARS, CLAIR THE MURDERBRARIAN!

AND IN THIS CORNAH, HAILING FROM JACKSON HEIGHTS, BLOND AND BEAUTIFUL AND BAD ASS, MISS BETH THE INTERN-AL BLEEDER!

Beth whooped me. Solidly. And fun was had by all.

Tomorrow is Misako Rocks! and fun with Cosplay and drawing. If you're NY Based and age-range appropriate, come on down to Teen Central at the Grand Central Branch of the NYPL. It's so awesome.

Mint: Saving Me from Bankruptcy One Day at a Time

2010-03-03T13:54:00.000-05:00

From the lovely folks who brought you TurboTax, we now have:

(See what I did there?)

You sign up, enter your bank account information (yeah, I know, but trust me on this one), and Mint tells you where all that money you made last month went, with spending categories, business names, and average amount spent over a given period.

It also keeps track of planned expenses and since it ties right into your accounts, you never have to update your depressingly static Excel Spreadsheet with "Spent ten dollars more on beer this month, crap."

It'll let you know when you're above or below budget, emails your warnings when you do something hinky, tells you how much you can save over the course of a month, year, etc. if you keep going this way, and provides handy little (advertisements) ways to save money.

I feel fiscally sound already.

Wonderful Conversation of the Day

2010-03-02T18:49:00.000-05:00

Miss Beth: Oh, happy birthday!

Girl-Whos-Birthday-It-Was: Thank you! I'm 32.

Miss Beth: That's great!

GWBIW: Yeah, and today's my sister's birthday, too!

Miss Beth: Oh wow, your mother is...

GWBIW: She's 22.

Miss Beth: ...reliable.

Intent To Graduate Forms: Not my New BFF

2010-03-01T23:02:00.000-05:00

So apparently, finishing all of my classes isn't enough of a "IMMA GET ME THE HELL ON OUTTA HERE" hint for Queens College. I had to fill out an Intent to Graduate Form.

Of course, today was the last day to do so.

Of course I didn't realize this until I got the email at 5:00PM on my Crackberry.

Hilarity ensued. As did prolific use of the "woobie face," the quick-like-the-bunny walk, and repeating fast tempo songs on Shiny the iPod. All combining together to leave me unpleasantly exhausted over a slip of paper no bigger than my pay stub.

But rest assured that come June I will be "an idiot with a degree." All is right with the world.

Thesis Work: IRB is my BFF

2010-02-28T22:06:00.000-05:00

Or at least they will be when they finish approving my lovely Underground Performance Archive. After four hours in a coffee shop with the lovely Miss Beth, I have my proposal to the Internal Review Board. Which pretty much consists of:

"This doesn't concern you. These aren't the research ethics you're looking for. I can go about my business."

...is it a problem how many things in my life can be easily adapted to Star Wars text? Or just a sign that I am cosmically blessed with awesome?

In Celebration of

2010-02-27T11:28:00.000-05:00

The Star Trek Slumber Party I'm hosting tonight (bacon and VHS-- how can this be a bad thing?)

I present to you video evidence of Kirk's desire to bone everything.

THE DARKSIDE DOES NOT USE NIGHTLIGHTS!

2010-02-26T17:12:00.000-05:00

If anything, they would need a light that exudes darkness! It's the *darkside,* people. Come on, let's get with the program.

Darth Vader is not here to assuage your fears. He is here to bring the pain and fill your ever waking moment with fear! HE IS A MASTER OF EVIL NOT COMFORT AND MILK AFTER NIGHTMARES!

It's Snowing (Again)

2010-02-26T16:51:00.000-05:00

Schools are shut down, the Bar Library is shut down (the Friendly Neighborhood Wexis Competitor was open, but was kind enough to let us go home early), and the city sleeps under a probably-not-that-comfortable blanket of white.

See? Brrrr! Unpleasant. I think I shall spend the night comfortably ensconced inside, and force some poor pizza boy to come and cater to me. Cuz I'm a Meanie McMeanerson that way.

Reason Number Twelve I Need to Work for a Rich Archive

2010-02-25T13:51:00.000-05:00

Because even if I'm not sure if I want to be an archivist (or a law librarian, or a teen librarian, or an academic librarian, or a records manager, or a corporate librarian, or any of the other things I've tossed around my head for the past two years) I want to have what my Favorite Professor of Life #4 calls "a check book and an auction catalog."

To buy Iron Man's Brain on Drugs, from the Iron Man auction.

Or the Cyberman Who Kinda Has to Pee, from the Doctor Who auction.

I could own the Still Beating Heart of Tony Stark. Someone get me the Beinecke on the phone. We need to get on this.

Best Thing on Twitter Ever: Fake Supreme Court Justices

2010-02-23T22:45:00.000-05:00

So I've been following @scalia for months now, and I have to say that the best part of Twitter is people pretending to be other non-Twitter literate people and posting humorous things under their name.

For example:

So. We'll hear that drunk-driving case. Y'know, if an .08% limit applies, I haven't driven sober since age 12. I'll invoke *steery decisis.*
-Scalia

For those of you playing the home-version, Scalia is the Supreme Court Justice who has a giant stick up his ass about just about everything.

For those of you playing the home-improvement version, this Twitter feed isn't the Supreme Court Justice. Unless I've gotten very lucky.

Ways of Making My Thesis Easier

2010-02-22T22:32:00.000-05:00

Presenting BibMe.Org, the website that puts things in ALA format for me. I've been using it for months because, hello, screw buying books when the internet can do it for you, but I discovered a lovely new feature today.

You can create an account and a saved bibliography. So basically as I write my thesis during lunch breaks, I can save citations, have a little hamster inside the internet-wheel do the work for me, and then profit.

I love internet hamsters. Those are some hardworking little rodents, my friends.

April in Chicago: Slightly Colder than a Cold Day in Hell

2010-02-21T20:38:00.000-05:00

Unrelatedly, the best part about this picture is that when you do an image search for C2E2 in Google, the first two images are this, and the third is gay porn. True story.

Yesterday was the Team Leader meeting for C2E2. Which was amazing because Reed is amazing and the people who I've stumbled into at Reed are the coolest bitches that I have ever affectionately called bitches.

The outcome of the meeting was basically that April is going to feature me working "BEHIND THE SCENES" at C2E2. I have no idea what BEHIND THE SCENES involves except running around doing everything that needs doing.

The secondary outcome was myself and four of my favorite fellow Team Leaders coming back to my place and consuming:

(1) Indiana Jones movie
(3) of the Original Star Wars
(8) beers
(9) shots of Jack
(1) cup of sake
(12) hours

Yeah. This is gonna rock.

We've Been JAMMED!

2010-02-19T18:59:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had a breakfast and thought "Hm... this could be a little more evil?"

Well, never have that thought again.

Now you can enjoy the taste of evil, murderous rage, the dark force, evil, and shattered Jedi dreams all before you have to change out of your holey socks in the morning.

Ah, delicious, delicious evil.

FAIIIIIIL

2010-02-18T22:13:00.001-05:00

Epic fail! My defrauding of both capitalism and West fail!

I have not won Sarah Glassmeyer's orange WestNext Loves You and Your Music Tastes iPod.

As for the shuffle for the Westlaw Breakfast, I blame Flushing and my decision to try a new bus route in the pissing freezing rain and sleet.

The Westlaw Breakfast was yesterday at 8:30. And the chest cold stops me dead in my tracks just as I get my G-Man suit on and the cuffs buttoned. It's still sitting discarded on my couch, like so many broken dreams, while I nurse at the green menthol laden breast of my NyQuil goddess.

My iPod is getting progressively fuller. At this rate, I'll have to *gulp* BUY ONE THAT ACTUALLY FITS ALL MY MUSIC!

*sob* NyQuil! Comfort me!

The Westlaw Breakfast is Tomorrow!

2010-02-16T21:28:00.000-05:00

And you know what that means! The iPod Shuffle will be MINE!

MIIIIIIIINE!

LawShucks Is Sending Me a Present (Not a pony)

2010-02-15T14:18:00.000-05:00

I am the Competitive Information Management Professional, or ChIMP, for the Friendly Neighborhood Wexis Competitor. As such, when I find out public information about one lawyer moving to another firm, I inform the team, the chief, and strangers on the internet.

So LawShucks has informed me that because I contributed to the Lateral Tracker crowdsourcing objective, I have won a prize! While it is not an Apple gift certificate, the way I was hoping it was, apparently I have received one of the following:

The four participants with the most submissions will each receive a copy of The Lawyer’s Guide to Finding Success in Any Job Market by Richard Hermann, courtesy of the author.

Ten random winners will each receive a copy of Building a Better Legal Profession’s Guide to Law Firms: The Law Student’s Guide to Finding the Perfect Law Firm Job, courtesy of Building a Better Legal Profession.

While none of these are things I want, maybe I can trade them to some out of work lawyer for an iPod shuffle. Fingers crossed.

It's a Cake! (There's a hole in this cake)

2010-02-13T20:06:00.000-05:00

Successful story about baking! A cake! A STAKE CAKE! (To be read in a Julia Child's voice.)

The first thing to remember when baking a cake is that when a gas oven is on the stove top is hot. For proof, see melted egg carton. The eggs were kinda pissed that I destroyed their home after killing their brethren.

In the meantime, there is cake baking. When the cakes are removed, one of them thoughtfully caves in to provide a convenient place for the stake. I've always said, baked good are good people.

In the mean-meantime, a bleeding cake requires blood. Take frozen raspberries, throw in sugar, throw in lemon juice, add really quickly spinning mini knives, and you have delicious, delicious blood.

It spreads onto cake really well. See?

So, now that we have our cake, and our blood to bind them, we need our chocolate to make it delicious. Thing to be learned: with enough sugar and milk, the fact that you don't have evaporated milk doesn't really matter. Ignore what the internet tells you if they say otherwise.

Now, combine the lot of them together, have a beer, pull up the handily available BUFFY FONT on the internet, and write on your cake with frosting.

Fill the gaping hole in the middle with raspberry blood, stab a deformed Hershey bar through the oozing wound, and all of a sudden, you have BADASSERY.

Feel accomplished. Leave the dishes, and go to watch Teen Mom on MTV. Bon appetit!

What time is it? Time to DIE.

2010-02-12T14:18:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm just going to say it: I'm a 23 year old woman. I am brave and strong and what have you and am no longer afraid of the dark.

This scares the crap out of me.
GLOWING EVIL RED EYES OF DEATH ARE WATCHING YOU AS YOU GET CLOSER TO YOUR DEMISE!

Is it morbid to give an 18 year old a tombstone cake?

2010-02-11T13:29:00.001-05:00

Help me decide! These are the two entries right now in the AMANDA THE VAMPIRE SLAYER cake.

I like how I spend my lunch break doing things like this as opposed to going out and eating. Good times.

Amazing Idea! AMAZING IDEA!

2010-02-11T13:10:00.001-05:00

So my friends Beth and Teresa have a Young Ward named Amanda. Amanda is amazing, funny, and waaaaay cooler than I was when I was 18.

And that's the other thing, Amanda is going to be 18 next week. So this weekend, we're having an impromptu get together, and I am making that chick the most awesome cake to ever be a cake. I am going to make a BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER CAKE.

After helpful input from Karyn Silverman I am confident in my ability to put this together. There may be a chocolate stake through it. There may be a tombstone made of milanos. Who knows?

But there will be pictures as I attempt to put the damn thing together. I'm psyched.

And now, because he popped up when I Googled "young ward," the Goddamned Batman.

The Snow! She's Actually Here Now!

2010-02-10T22:08:00.000-05:00

New York has snow! It's beautiful and today was full of small children that I unfortunately didn't get to actually see playing (but sensed with my children sensory abilities).

My neighborhood looks like something out of a Normal Rockwell painting. If Normal Rockwell painted Washington Heights or Dominican people. Seen here, a parking lot covered in snow. There are cars under there somewhere, I'm sure of it.

The sidewalk is passable manly because my super is obsessive compulsive about salting everything. But as of right now it's still snowing, I've made a delivery guy bring me a pizza, and I am comfortably warm and full of food and beer.

Remember when we were kids and we would go roll around in the snow and, like, be active? Yeah. No. This is a much better way to do this. I highly recommend.

Short Term Goal: Short-Change Capitalism

2010-02-09T15:41:00.000-05:00

Following on the heels of the West iPod Give Away Debacle (it's now been quoted on Library Stuff-- it's a debacle) I have decided to set a new short term goal for myself.

Get as many free iPods as humanely possible.

Now, you may say to yourself "Self, what the hell is Clair going to do with more iPods? She already has the perfectly functional iPod Nano in lovely square that was around for all of one year before Apple replaced it with the long sticky looking one?"

And to you I answer "Walk around and feel bad ass."

Imagine-- one iPod for work music, one for leisure time, and another for audio-books/podcasts/class notes! The luxury, man! The sheer unadulterated luxury!

West is giving away a free iPod shuffle to the first 100 people to show up for their "LOOKIE! IT'S NEW!" breakfast that I am happily attending (and showing up twenty minute early for). Additionally, the lovely Sarah Glassmeyer is giving away the iPod that started all of this bruhaha, and I am firmly entered in that drawing.

Soon I shall have at least one free iPod from West. It shall be full of nothing but my large MB audiobook files, and sit prettily in my bag waiting to be used when the mood and fancy strikes me. And lo, it shall be amazing.

St. Agnes Branch of the NYPL

2010-02-08T14:14:00.000-05:00

Reopened, my friends, reopened! And the NYTimes has some beautiful pictures including this gem that shows the Children's Area.

Do they take down the Story Hour thing when it's not actually Story Hour? I mean, logically, it's not always Story Hour. Then it'd just be, I dunno, Story Day. And that's just silly.

Also of interest in this article is the lovely note about how all of the 67 libraries that Andrew Carnegie built include staircases with little black hooks, meant to catch or "deter" sliding children who think to themselves "Hey, banister! Fun!"

Imagine getting one of those in the crotch bone. When they say "catch" what they really mean is "castrate."

Carnegie, seen here with a boner tenting his hat, either didn't want children to get hurt by sliding down the banister and falling, or was afraid that one day a child would be born whose own massive boner power would far outweigh that of Carnegie, and then they would have to, like, epically battle or something. And being a kind-hearted rich guy, Carnegie was all "No way, man. No way. Hook those little rugrats in the balls."

And history was made.

You can find more New York History like this at your local library, kids. To find out more go to www.nypl.org and start on the path to learning!

Snow Storm Persona Non Grata

2010-02-06T18:59:00.000-05:00

So in Manhattan there was supposed to be this giant snowstorm, right? Like, snow shoes, abominable snow man, Canadians roaming the streets with impunity snow storm.

Guess what it's not doing here right now?

However, never one to be dettered I have decided to spend my Saturday night in denial, doing the same things I would if it was actually snowing. Meaning:

a) hot chocolate with Baileys
b) watching Blazing Saddles
c) reading fanfiction from shows I've never watched
d) periodically texting my friends to say "Wow, it's really come down out there! Stay warm!"

Man, it is really come down out there. Hope you're all staying dry!

EDIT:
"Qualifications?"
"Rape, murder, arson, and rape."
"You said rape twice."
"I like rape."

Oh Mel Brooks, you amuse me and keep me warm when the bitter snow outside would otherwise freeze me to the core.

Twisted and AWESOME

2010-02-05T09:43:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, when you stop and think, you may think to yourself "It is not humanly possible for Darth Vader to become more bad-ass than he already is. I mean, he force chokes guys in meetings, and kills underlings, and wears a cape."

But you forget. He's more machine now than man.
A transformer Darth Vader, that turns into the Death Star. That's like taking one really awesome thing, and gluing another really awesome thing to its back, and then topping it off with a dash of ohnotheydidn't.

GiantDeathStarVader. What really killed the dinosaurs.

Dear Westlaw

2010-02-04T14:05:00.001-05:00

Dear Westlaw,

It has come to my attention that you are sending out free Westlaw Next iPods to librarians, as a way of promoting your new search interface and its lovely capabilities.

As librarians, we are understandably shocked and appalled by this sort of behavior. The trust between student/lawyer/general public/homeless person and librarian is a sacred bond, one that must be impartial, fair, and above all else uninfluenced by outside pressures. Many in the community view these offerings as a blatant bribe; a present to try and push us to push you on our students, violating that aforementioned sacred bond and acting in a way that is anathema to our professional code.

To help you in this PR disaster in the making, I would like to offer my services.

As a library assistant working for the Friendly Neighborhood Wexis Competitor, my opinion of you is more or less inconsequential. There are no student for me to influence, no young minds to warp. My co-workers have no idea how to use your database, let alone formulate an opinion on it.

I therefore propose the following: send me all of the iPods. All of them. I will use them, I will refrain from becoming biased for or against you, and all of the other law librarians out there and you can rest easy in the knowledge that the ethical code of conduct that I'm sure you would like to help us all uphold is safe and secure.

And then I can have an orange iPod.

Win win, don't you agree?

Sincerely, your friend,

Clair

PS-- Thanks for the earbuds you gave me at LegalTech. You know what would go great with this? Thirty orange iPods.

Thesis Class: Ho No

2010-02-03T23:12:00.000-05:00

After the first of (way too) many sessions of my thesis class, I have come to the following conclusions:

1) Queens College needs to get new professors
2) This thesis stuff isn't as hard as everyone makes it out to be judging by the

Number of misspellings
Improper sentence structure
Non-APA formatted citations
General uselessness

present in the example theses passed around in class.

and
3) I am so ready to be a real librarian, you have no idea.

After this May, I promise to never learn anything ever again, ever. In fact, I will go out of my way to forget stuff I already know.

My brothers birthday's? Gone. How to cook a burger? See ya. My mad rap skills? Never to be heard from again.

Cosmic trade off: I become a real librarian, the world lives without my burgers and freestyle abilities to throw down. That's the deal. Have at it, universe.

LegalTech: Lexis! It's Shiny!

2010-02-02T22:45:00.001-05:00

So yesterday was the Westlaw Next review. Today was Lexis's turn.

Now, I'm a Lexis girl. Not because of the database, because Lord knows it's the biggest pain in the hindquarters area to search. Not because of the content, because 90% of it is free online somewhere else.

I'm a Lexis girl because Lexis is run by Reed Elsevier, who runs Reed Exhibitions, who runs New York Comic Con, and who is taking me to Chicago come this April, which my father bought for two zuzim. So even though the Wexis Twins are more or less interchangeable, I'm a Lexis girl because I like Batman.

More after the jump

While West has come out with a new interface for existing content, Lexis has come up with a partnership deal. Microsoft Office 2007 and Lexis are now (or will be whenever Lexis actually releases it) be BFF.

When a partner receives an email in Outlook, or looks at a document in Word, Lexis will be on the toolbar. It'll automatically scan the document, highlight the relevant terms, and perform the search on them for the attorney, listing the results at the side for easy access, clickability, and other fun things.

It searches the internet, provides results in both Bing and Google; it searches Lexis, provides relevant case law and documentation, with a filter for jurisdiction that you can set at the beginning; it searches your whole firm's documents, pulling up related information and files.

It does everything for you if you're too busy/swamped/untrained/dumb to do it yourself.

So while West has changed the way lawyers research, Lexis has removed the need for research entirely-- it's smarter than you are, and here's the lovely list of citations and full case text to prove it, happily linked in at the side of your document. Oh, you want to know who else at your firm is working on a similar case? Well, we also search your KM system and provide that for you, same place. Also, you have this case saved on your computer, here it is you fool who was too busy to search for it. Also also, we can cuddle and you can be little spoon, just because I love you that much. And here, have a cookie and a cup of cocoa and some Brandeis Briefs for a bit of light reading.

The only downside I've found so far, aside from having the same catch as Westlaw Next (i.e. we'll let you search everything, and won't stop you from clicking into something that'll be an extra gazillionty dollar fee) is that the whole system still had a definite feeling of being unfinished. The Lexis rep who showed it off had to answer "That's coming soon" more than once, and left the general feeling that this had kinda been pushed out a bit prematurely, in order to compete with the Westlaw Next premiere at Legal Tech.

But, I got a coffee mug. That says Lexis on it. Which I obnoxiously drink from while wearing my Westlaw Next earbuds at my friendly neighborhood Wexis competitor's computer terminal.

It's a good thing.

WestlawNEXT! Whoosh!

2010-02-01T14:54:00.001-05:00

Just got back from my first day of Legal Tech and boy are my arms tired!

(From all the schwag I got.)

Review of the lovely new Westlaw Next after the jump.

The "Westlaw Next Experience" was our first stop. Ever see the South Park scene with the humanely slaughtered turkeys?

Replace the flying forest scenes with 1010101010 flying very quickly across 27 flat panel screens, a cellist, two violinists, and a plant in the audience who turned out to have a magic wand that conducted stuff. There were no seats, just a platform that awaited instructions to drop you into a vat below, walls draped in silk, with appropriately placed fans to billow them, strobe and mood lighting, and a booming Voice of Westlaw God who narrated the whole thing.

And then? FREE EARBUDS! And a chance to win an iPod to go with it! (In Thompson approved orange, of course.)

Then the bosslady and I checked out the Westlaw Next demo going on in the Westlaw Pavilion of Dreams. While standing on the comfiest carpeted floor ever (seriously-- somewhere out there an angel has lost his wings, and they've been used for stuffing) we had a very nice lady in the customary orange neckerchief showed us the brand new, never been seen before, Westlaw Next.

It's really pretty.

I mean, really, really pretty.

As in, I want it and to work for the global media conglomerate who has it so that I can be that cool and make enough money to have an angel feather stuffed carpet under my feet and wear a probably moderately expensive neckerchief that really doesn't do much for my complexion but still gives me an air of authority somehow.

There are the usual catches, of course. Nothing this pretty comes without someone trying to stab you over it. Westlaw Next removes the need to select a database, so by searching, you're pulling up results from everywhere-- including databases that you don't have access to. And unless you either:

a) Set a reminder for yourself to say "DON'T CLICK ON THIS, IT'LL COST US EXTRA MONEY

Or

b) Read the citation format under the search result and compare it to the databases that you have access to

you're going to rack up a huge fee for your firm. So essentially, West has made the site more appealing to untrained searchers who are used to Google, made searching free, but won't stop you from clicking into any of the results that you pull unless you're paying attention or tech savvy, two things that can't be said about many lawyers.

It's also not an automatic upgrade. Westlaw Classic is going to keep running, and if a firm wants to pay the extra money to make the giant legal database nicer looking and more user-friendly, well, ease doesn't come cheap. Eventually they'll close classic (read: 5 years from now) but until then, some firms might have classic and some will have Next.

But overall, the database is beautiful, easy to use, and makes my little internal researcher go all aquiver. I got lots of great prizes, and a chocolate orange ball of deliciousness, and a great way to spend my lunch hour.

Tomorrow: Lexis. I'm psyched.

Mario 64

2010-01-31T22:33:00.000-05:00

Dear Mario64,

I know, I know-- this relationship is just getting started, and you want to spend a lot of time with me. That's totally sensible, and I appreciate that.

I have to go to work tomorrow morning, and my boss doesn't understand our love the way that I do. Our devotion is a foreign idea in today's world of trivial pleasures and fleeting attachments.

Please stop being so addictive, so I can go to bed.

All my love,
Clair

PS: I promise we'll play when I get home. Promise.

Lesbian Herstory Archives

2010-01-30T09:46:00.001-05:00

So my dream of interning at the Lesbian Herstory Archives this upcoming spring, and being really, really gay with some ladies has died an early death.

I was mainly going for the internship because:
a) it sounded like a great place to gather some archival experience
b) it sounded like a great place to meet chicks
c) it sounded like a great place to be an active member of the community

This pipe dream of course was heavily reliant on me ignoring the fact that this semester is going to be spent:
1) working full time
2) thesis
3) archival class
4) library manifesto
5) C2E2 in April
6) occasionally stopping to try and breathe

Sadly, twas not meant to be. Apparently, I can not make division of myself to attend to all of these tasks, and one of them had to give.

The one that involved no money, no credit, and Brooklyn was selected. Ain't it always the way?

Hello Jedi

2010-01-29T09:14:00.000-05:00

This is what anime fans see before they die .

The last thing they feel of course is a Star Wars fan's hands around their neck choking them while repeating "Perversion! Perversion!" over and over again.

Also, probably something in Japanese. Whatever.

The iPad

2010-01-28T13:35:00.001-05:00

Yeah, pretty much.

...still kinda want to play with it.

Ode to the Roach I Just Saw

2010-01-27T21:45:00.001-05:00

O roach I just saw in my kitchen
Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew
Why aren't you dead, o roach that craweth so?
With legs atwitchin' and feelers afeelin'
If only I had been faster with that sponge
Or less concerned for my new manicure
O roach I just saw in my kitchen
Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew

Additions to the Bucket List

2010-01-26T20:33:00.000-05:00

Because I'm still alive and haven't actually crossed anything off of the other list, but adding things always makes me feel better about the future.

More plans:
1) Give a toast at a wedding
2) Throw a rooftop party, and wear an obnoxiously attractive cocktail dress while doing so
3) Learn how to mix drinks for the previously mentioned party
4) Fire a gun
5) Master a marshal art
6) Get a job where I can bring a dog to work with me

Zotero: Making my Thesis Easier One Citation at a Time

2010-01-25T12:18:00.000-05:00

So my newest cheat around having to know how to cite things in MLA, APA, Chicago, or Deep Dish format is called Zotero.

Zotero is a Firefox plug-in that collects bibliographic information about articles and books for you, takes snapshots of the pages, lets you add notes and attachments to those records, and makes them accessible on any computer you choose to sit your butt down on.

And the best part? At the end it formats all of the information for you, and spits out a perfectly done bibliography to appease even the toughest of professors.

Screw you, APA Handbook. I'll see you[r useless memorization of information] in hell! YAH!

Awesome-Brarian

BLOG HAS MOVED

TIME TRAVELING PIRATES!

Professional Development: I Has It

Way I Know I'm Not an Adult Yet #23

Webcomics You Should Read

Book I Really Wish I Liked: Heist Society

Fantabulous Pictures of My Beautiful Library!

I Am the Messenger (and I Am Awesome)

Tithe: Not at All About the Church

Peeps: Vampires Who Do More than Just Whine

Homework. I Has It.

Reason Number Fifteen That Skeletons Are Awesome

Crossdressing and Magic: Alanna of Trebold

Why Shakespeare in the Park is Overrated

Library Manifesto! It's LIVES!

*ded of cute*

New Job!

Ways to Save Your Library Money (Furreals)

Rainy Days in New York

Children of Dune: Still Pretty Awesome

My Name is Michael Weston. I'm Really Hot.

New Job!

The Master

Law and Order

Movie I Am So Going to See (*cough* bootlegged online *cough*)

You Know What's Awesome?

Free Stuff, Just $5

*iz sad*

Iron Man 2: Awesome Times with Blowing Crap Up

Stuff Librarians Like: Fictional Librarians

A Reflection on the Hours to Come

Spotlight: NYPL Research Branch

See This?

Flat Stanley: Promoting Literacy By Being in my Pants

Mary Russell: Fictional Character You Should Totally Love

Big Damn List of Things To Do

Dear IRB Board

Things That Are Awesome Today

This Really Happened

I Live. Furreals, guys

A Post... from the PAST! OMG!

My Birthday

Also Coming to C2E2: Flat Stanley

Passover Part 2: Why is This Night Different From All Other Nights?

New Thing I Hate With a Passion in NYC

Passover Part 1: What is All This?

He's Not All Bad

Big Damn Summer Plans

Real Quick, I Swear

To Celebrate the Begining of Spring and the End of Winter

The Pregnancy Pact

Anime Club: Come Watch a Show with the Librarian in My Purse

Three Chapters of My Thesis: Down Like the Ground, Baby!

Remember the Jackie Chan Adventures?

I Knew I Forgot Something!

Kiss Me, I'm Awesome

Alice in Wonderland Part-ah

In Which I See Kick Ass and Create a Narrative for a Librarian Action Figure

Young Adult Services Symposium, or, How I Learned Something Before Noon on a Saturday

Pollen, Dander, Dust

TV on the Internet? How Droll.

New Professional Org. Memberships

Text Me Money

I Think They Sell These Downstairs from my Office

Otaku Take Over!

Mint: Saving Me from Bankruptcy One Day at a Time

Wonderful Conversation of the Day

Intent To Graduate Forms: Not my New BFF

Thesis Work: IRB is my BFF

In Celebration of

THE DARKSIDE DOES NOT USE NIGHTLIGHTS!

It's Snowing (Again)

Reason Number Twelve I Need to Work for a Rich Archive

Best Thing on Twitter Ever: Fake Supreme Court Justices

Ways of Making My Thesis Easier

April in Chicago: Slightly Colder than a Cold Day in Hell

We've Been JAMMED!

FAIIIIIIL

The Westlaw Breakfast is Tomorrow!

ded of cute

Movie I Am So Going to See (cough bootlegged online cough)

iz sad